The article talks about how this is not them being assholes, but because if they have more money then their peers, it tends to make them feel isolated and self-conscious and fears about being taken advantage of. They even quote the expert at the end who says “They don’t care about the $4.”
You would ditch a friend for struggling with someone? I find that hard to believe.
True, but people do things they shouldn’t do all the time because they are struggling. Like if your depressed friend flakes on hanging out, that’s “shitty behavior” too. Are they are bad person who you should ditch? Or a friend suffering that needs your support? In both cases, it seems to be the latter.
You answered the question indirectly. Or intentionally avoided it because you don’t want to admit some inconsistency. I figured the former, but maybe I was wrong. So which is it?
I did no such thing. If someone can ask for money remotely, they can ask for help remotely. If they can’t ask me for help, and they are rich, and they ask me for money, we obviously are not very good friends, because they clearly don’t trust me enough to just ask me for help.
You’re right. I do cover other people’s meals when I can afford to do so. But I don’t send someone $4 for no reason. You keep bringing up irrelevancies.
And insults are not called for. I did not insult you once.
This is the first time I’ve engaged with you on this topic, idk what you’re talking about. “seems like an ass” is not an insult, please learn how to read or get thicker skin
Are you saying calling someone an ass is not offensive? Have you fallen out of the dumb tree and hit every branch on the way down (that’s an insult, btw)?
So you’re telling me that if you told a complete stranger “you seem like a total ass” when you could look them in the eye, they wouldn’t feel insulted? Really? Because I think it sounds like a good way to provoke a physical altercation.
I was once very poor and now pretty well-off. I’m generally happy to try and pick up the bill when I go out with friends and family because I’m thankfully in a place in my life I can do that and I remember how thankful I was for the generosity of others early in my life. Unfortunately I’ve found some people get offended… that my picking up the bill is some power move to show I’m rich so I’ve become reluctant to do that unless I’ve explicitly invited them to dinner or whatever. I don’t want people to think I’m showing off and trying to make them feel inferior so if they’ve invited me or it’s an otherwise group event, I assume they’re paying their own way and didn’t come with the idea that someone else was paying for them. If somehow I’m the one whose credit card it ends up on because the place won’t split the bill, I’ll let people know how to Venmo me or whatever. It’s not because I’m worried about the money though.
I’m glad that’s never happened to me. They wouldn’t be my friend anymore.
The article talks about how this is not them being assholes, but because if they have more money then their peers, it tends to make them feel isolated and self-conscious and fears about being taken advantage of. They even quote the expert at the end who says “They don’t care about the $4.”
You would ditch a friend for struggling with someone? I find that hard to believe.
If they don’t care about my money, they shouldn’t ask for it. It’s just shitty behavior.
True, but people do things they shouldn’t do all the time because they are struggling. Like if your depressed friend flakes on hanging out, that’s “shitty behavior” too. Are they are bad person who you should ditch? Or a friend suffering that needs your support? In both cases, it seems to be the latter.
If they need my support, they can ask for my support. They’re asking for money.
If you can’t open up to me enough to say “I need your help,” I don’t think we were very good friends in the first place.
So, a depressed person who flakes on hanging out is a bad person you should ditch.
You and I are very different with our friends.
When did I say anything about hanging out? What are you talking about?
You answered the question indirectly. Or intentionally avoided it because you don’t want to admit some inconsistency. I figured the former, but maybe I was wrong. So which is it?
I did no such thing. If someone can ask for money remotely, they can ask for help remotely. If they can’t ask me for help, and they are rich, and they ask me for money, we obviously are not very good friends, because they clearly don’t trust me enough to just ask me for help.
Poor people will just cover other people’s meals and stuff out of friendship and building community. You seem like a total ass
You’re right. I do cover other people’s meals when I can afford to do so. But I don’t send someone $4 for no reason. You keep bringing up irrelevancies.
And insults are not called for. I did not insult you once.
This is the first time I’ve engaged with you on this topic, idk what you’re talking about. “seems like an ass” is not an insult, please learn how to read or get thicker skin
Insult (noun): an offensive remark or action.
Are you saying calling someone an ass is not offensive? Have you fallen out of the dumb tree and hit every branch on the way down (that’s an insult, btw)?
So you’re telling me that if you told a complete stranger “you seem like a total ass” when you could look them in the eye, they wouldn’t feel insulted? Really? Because I think it sounds like a good way to provoke a physical altercation.
Nah, I’m not an invertebrate
I was once very poor and now pretty well-off. I’m generally happy to try and pick up the bill when I go out with friends and family because I’m thankfully in a place in my life I can do that and I remember how thankful I was for the generosity of others early in my life. Unfortunately I’ve found some people get offended… that my picking up the bill is some power move to show I’m rich so I’ve become reluctant to do that unless I’ve explicitly invited them to dinner or whatever. I don’t want people to think I’m showing off and trying to make them feel inferior so if they’ve invited me or it’s an otherwise group event, I assume they’re paying their own way and didn’t come with the idea that someone else was paying for them. If somehow I’m the one whose credit card it ends up on because the place won’t split the bill, I’ll let people know how to Venmo me or whatever. It’s not because I’m worried about the money though.
This thread got literally too deep for me to follow so I hope it was worked out.
Last I got out of it - it’s a cry for help in the form of a conversation starter. Very interesting take, thank you both for that.
Also, money can be hard to talk about between friends.