• Signtist@lemm.ee
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    9 months ago

    Alright, you’ve got people trying to kill you that’s terrible. You’ve definitely got it worse than I ever did, and you’re justified in thinking everyone’s out to get you. So start fresh. My mom never tried to kill me, but she did try to forcibly denounce my citizenship so I’d be utterly reliant upon her, so I moved across the country and lived for a few years in a closet of a bedroom owned by some lady I found on craigslist.

    It sucked, and I had pretty much no money, but in about 2 years I managed to get back on my feet. I was even able to move back to my hometown, since I didn’t want to let my mom force me to live away from where I wanted to be. I made a new social group, and let some people from the previous group back in once I assessed whether they had my best interests in mind. I’m not saying starting fresh would be easy - it’s certainly the hardest thing I’ve ever done - but it sounds like you’ve got people actively hunting you down, so if they’re as incompetent at murder as you say they are, they should have an even harder time killing you with a thousand miles between you.

    I’m not telling you about my life to brag - I’m actively encouraging you to find those same joys yourself. That’s what it looks like when someone encourages you - they tell you about how good your life can be if you regain hope.

      • theangryseal@lemmy.world
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        9 months ago

        You is batshit crazy. I don’t want to dominate you but I definitely pity you. I wish I could travel back in time and just set up traps to trip and pants everyone who was ever unkind to you. I can’t do that though, but I hope you get it all figured out one day.

        You need to allow positive influences into your life. Hell, some decent negative influences might serve you better than the version of reality you’ve made for yourself here.

        And if everyone is so evil and hellbent on dominating you, why do feel the need to interact with them on social media? It’s like you can’t commit to the isolation, which is a good thing because maybe at some point something positive will come your way.

        I don’t know man. I’m not dealing with the madness that you are so I know there’s probably nothing I can say to help you.

        I hope you can manage to help yourself some day though. Your abusers poisoned your brain, and then you’ve continued to apply that poison up to the place you’re in now.

        I hope you get better. I really do.

        Take care fellow human.

          • theangryseal@lemmy.world
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            9 months ago

            Oh so now I’m directly involved in your misery? haha

            Me, who spends all of my time alone playing video games lol.

            Ok bud. You try to have a nice life. Not gonna happen as long as you think you’re the center of the universe and every person on the planet is out to get you.

            You keep fighting your lonely little war and the rest of us are just gonna keep on living.

              • theangryseal@lemmy.world
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                9 months ago

                I have never abused you.

                I’ve been abusive to people in my life and I’ve held myself accountable. People have been abusive to me and I’ve forgiven them. It’s unfortunately just a part of this whole human experience thing. I’m not getting hung up on it. I’m not special enough to sit and obsess over my pain. I’m one human in a sea of billions of humans all out here experiencing various levels of abuse and pain. I wasn’t born in a place where flies eat my eyeballs while I just try to survive, so I count my blessings and carry on. I think you should too, but hey, you do you, pal.

                You won’t ever be ok just existing if you feel sorry for yourself until you die. But again, you do you. I will forget this interaction even happened in no time flat so I’m not giving it any more of my time.

                You’re a human being. I’m sorry you’ve been abused. I hope your life improves, but that’s up to you.

                It terrifies me and breaks my heart to know that people are out there with worldviews like yours. It really does. Like, holy shit you should probably be on a watchlist. I hope you find a healthy place where you can feel like you belong some day. If you don’t, I hope you don’t go out of your way to hurt people who are just trying to live. For real.

                Good luck. I know you think everyone is your enemy and out to hurt you, but I’m not your enemy and I have no interest in hurting anyone. I genuinely do mean it. Good luck.

                  • theangryseal@lemmy.world
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                    9 months ago

                    Last thing I’ll say and I’m done.

                    My advice to you; stop standing in a mirror jerking off thinking about how pitiful you are and how everyone is out to get you.

                    You were abused? Me too. Suck it up buttercup.

                    I was sexually abused as a child. I was beaten until I was hospitalized as a child on multiple occasions. I was led to believe I was crazy by someone that I loved with all of my heart. I spent a decade being told my memories were all false and I was a monster. When I was five years old I didn’t understand the hollow feeling I felt all the time in my belly. It felt like cold air. It was hunger. My step dad (the first time he met me) found me eating flour from a pan that my mom had used to bread the expired chicken we were given by a church because we were starving. I spent my teenage years homeless and robbing food and alcohol from local gas stations. I was betrayed by people that I thought I could trust over and over again living in that world.

                    I know that only your experience matters to you and what the rest of us go through probably don’t mean a goddamn thing because we’re all out to get you or whatever self absorbed self obsessed idea you’ve got buried in that thing you call a brain.

                    I’m still living, bud. I’m still making connections, bud. I’m still loving people, bud.

                    You gotta suck it the fuck up and keep living. If you don’t want to live among the rest of us then fuck off to a cave somewhere and take a mirror so you can obsess over yourself alone.

                    Don’t bother replying to me. I won’t read it. I’m done with this shit. I want to forget about it as soon as possible because your energy is fucking vile.

                    I suppose I could have been nicer, but what’s the point? I’m apparently abusing you or whatever…

      • Signtist@lemm.ee
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        9 months ago

        Sorry, bud. I’ve told you all I can. At this point, your life is in your hands. Not the hands of those who want to hurt you, not the hands of those who want to help you, but can’t because of your rejection of the world. Just yours. I hope you make the right choice in the end. You deserve to be loved - and you will be, if you let it in. Please at least remember that much.