I feel like everyone eventually gets annoyed with me, and I just always end up alone. I loose all my friends, and Ive never really had a healthy loving partnership. I just feel hopeless
How do you feel about yourself? Do you like to be around you in an abstract sense?
Yes. But I model it as a problem I have, not something inherent to who I am.
It really behaves like it’s inherent to me, but I can’t stop trying to get over it.
This might be helpful. It helped me =)
It’s ADHD focused, but I think some of the concepts are universal.
Like all things in life, it’s a numbers game. You do your best to improve yourself, and you put yourself out there as much as possible. Some people only need a single roll of a d4. Others need a couple dozen rolls of a d20. Can’t control the dice you’re given, you can only control how many times you roll.
For me it’s more of a personality disorder* than a type, but still the answer is yes.
Though also kind of reinforced by my environment, lacking money/transportation/activities and even when I started riding on the trail (mostly to get in shape, some shopping, never really talked w/anyone) the section near me was closed in both directions for maintenance and still closed 6 months+ later.
*=SzPD (Schizoid)
I have a disordered personality too, Avoidant.
I know I cannot provide advice in this sitaution because I get what you are saying as I too have been dealing with the thoughts.
It can be difficult, I have had a LOT of instances of bad things happen because of my misaligned views ( been told I need a priest to exorcise the “demons” kind of bad) and I am still have to deal with my sitaution and the invasive thoughts that come with it. It takes a lot trying to deal with it, but somehow in my life I have at least found a few people that have accepted me.
Like I don’t need to maintain constant contact but for me it is being “accepted” is a lot ( a low bar I know) and in some cases just recently have been in contact with someone I haven’t heard in years, but I can still feel comfortable communicating with them after all that time.
I mean I really do not like my life where I am at and there is a lot of things that I wanted to do and want to do but cannot because there are reasons beyond my control. At least for me, it feels like I am hanging by the sinews of the good will of others.
So yeah, just a long winded reply going on about sharing in the pain. I don’t know what the answer is but I have tried to push myself lately to dig myself out of things otherwise I would be drowning in the tunnel that I am stuck in.
I been doing writing stuff and trying to be more involved in social media a bit more has been my “digging” out attempt
This is a fantastic video that made a lot of my own feelings about this topic click. I know the situation has escalated since you posted this, but please take the few minutes to watch it.
It’s ADHD focused, but I think some of the concepts are universal.
