DM: Okay, time passes. now what.
Cat Paladin: I get up! I run!
DM: Sure… where?
Cat Paladin: Straight ahead! Then I stop.
DM: Um… Now what?
Cat Paladin: Run again! Then I stop. Lick myself.
DM: (sighs)
Cat Paladin: Now I SCREAM!!!
Aren’t all cats warlocks since they have a patron?
All cat owners are warlocks because they have a patron
I cast Random Bite
DC18 wisdom save or become dominated of mind until wet food is given to the attacking creature
I use Blank Stare And Then Lick Myself. Now I’ve left the room.
Imagine the party trying to sleep at an inn lmao. The Paladin would be up all night scratching at the door, screaming, and doing zoomies back and forth, leaving the party in a worse state than before.
It’s all worth it for the 2x action bonus when zoomies proc
Cat Paladin: I lie on my back exposing my belly.
DM: Is your turn complete?
Cat Paladin: I ready an action to attack when my belly is touched.
DM: (sigh) Of course you do.
I ready an action to attack when my belly is touched.
Rake Claws
Melee Weapon Attack: +10 to hit, reach 1m, one target.
Hit: 14 (4d4 + 4) piercing damage.
If the target is a Medium or smaller creature, it is grappled (escape DC 17). Until this grapple ends, the target is restrained, and the Cat Paladin can’t engage another target.
DM: are you going to eat any of the food?
Cat: no
Cat Paladin: also no
How can a chaotic neutral creature even become a paladin?
Cat God.
I cast summon greater fish
Cat Paladin: “Rogue!”
Cat Paladin: : “ROGUE!”
Rogue: “What?”
Cat Paladin: “Unlock this door.”
Rogue: “Why, what’s in there?”
Cat Paladin: “Just unlock the door.”
Rogue: “Okay.” unlocks door
Cat Paladin: sits in door frame
Cat Paladin: continues to sit in door frame
Rogue: “…”
Cat Paladin: sits in door frame a bit more
Cat Paladin: “You know what? Nevermind.” turns back
