I’m sorry to hear that, I couldn’t even imagine having to work two jobs, let alone getting employment abuse, I’m tired enough as it is when I get home from my one job. My wife isn’t working either but luckily we get by anyway, but getting a house or a larger investment will take a super long time since there is not much to save each month.
Another thing with ADHD (as you might know) is that the frontal lobe isn’t fully developed, which makes it harder to regulate your feelings and how to respond.
I love the idea of a stamp sheet or something like that to make it clear what needs to be done, I often don’t see things that my wife finds obvious and that can lead to irritation, but we have been able to get past that since we talked about my shortcomings and what I need support with to be able to do them.
Or he already feels guilty that you did the task instead of him, so that he feels that he let you down. As I said before, I’m just speculating from my own experiences with letting my wife down (and people at work) by not doing something that I agreed to do, that shouldn’t be hard but is hard since I was unable to get it done.
Have you talked with him about your ADHD? And that you need support from him to be able to maintain a tranquil environment at home?
I’m not a woman either, but I’m a man struggling with ADHD, I have similar experiences with dirty dishes (and other things). It’s so difficult to remember to do things you have agreed to do and even if you do remember it can be impossible to get started, unless you have figured out a system that works for you.
If someone at work asks me to look something up or do something and they say that I can do it whenever I have time, it’s never going to get done, I need some sort of deadline to be able to start (usually as close as possible to the deadline).
I’m not saying your husband has ADHD, I’m just saying he might need more “structure” or a time when the task is supposed to be completed. Not everything is done out of malice or lack of respect.
Just my two cents since I don’t know that much about either of you.
Edit: Since ADHD is a spectrum disorder, it’s not a “one glove fits all” kind of situation, everyone have different experiences with different areas. We suffer from time blindness as well, making it hard/impossible to set goals for the future and to achieve those goals.
I haven’t had any super long hyperfocus sessions, but I do feel somewhat disoriented when I come back. I feel like it has been better since I started my medication, or I haven’t done anything that hyperfocus activated for lately xD
My biggest issue is starting with things on my to do-list, especially if they have been there a long time.
Earlier this year I started listening to Hacking your ADHD and tried a few tips/tools he brought up and it’s easier when I keep following them, I usually listen in the car in the morning and when I hear things that I think would help me I’m out of luck because it’s usually gone by the time I get out of the car, sometimes I remember to write a small reminder to check it out later.
Sorry if there are any mistakes, English isn’t my first language.
It’s a Battle Royal, basically a big map that shrinks over time and if you are outside the “play area” you receive damage until you get inside again or you die.