Ask questions about his relationship to his mom and figure out where your advice fits in.
My ex works with mildly developmentally disabled people. They live on their own, have jobs, but still need assistance with some things (that’s where she comes in). Sometimes a client might have specific boundaries or restrictions that might not make sense to an outside observer.
Unless you know for certain what the situation is, tread carefully.
Could also be a long history of abuse in the form of the mother being extremely controlling.
What’s your relationship to this guy? If he’s a close friend or partner, then sure, have a conversation with him about needing to spread his wings a little bit.
My approach would be to ask questions about the relationship they have with their parent(s) - Are they calling you to check up on him and that’s why he is telling them about his plans? Are they financially supporting him so he feel like he owes it to them to check with them before making plans? Is he just using his parents as an excuse to not have to commit to anything he doesn’t actually want to do?
Once you can get them to give you more information, gently try to reason with him. If that doesn’t work, you can let him go if it’s going to be a real issue, or you might encourage him to get therapy, especially if there’s potential/historical abuse going on.
Maybe recommend him some films or tv shows or something that have grown men with creepily overbearing mothers?
If you’re ok with using reddit, /r/justnomil is full of these stories.
And if you’re considering dating this man, just keep in mind that his mother will always come before you.
Point out to him how crazy this is. If he doesn’t immediately recognize the problem and fix it himself, then you should move on.
TBH it sounds so extreme that your chance of success seems slim.
