Everyone knows relationships are hard work. Everyone knows that relationships hit roadblocks and whatever the fuck else. Fucking why. What’s the point? Be with a person that you mostly tolerate most of the days that you exist? And even then, they still might betray you in a horrible way. I’ve dealt with a lot of pain and stress and loss in my life, and when the happy shit gets sour, I just don’t fucking get it. Why not just live my life fucking off and dying eventually.
My partner is a great friend to me but sometimes I cry from their disinterest. The look of exasperation I get breaks my heart more each time. I had to move for work so I tried dating other people but it ruined my self esteem from the people that were willing to date me. Life felt like purgatory waiting for something to happen. If I kept trying to find someone new I think i would have overdosed by now. It was easier to go back. Life feels stuck with no change in sight but at least I’m not totally alone anymore.