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The original was posted on /r/bestofredditorupdates by /u/Choice_Evidence1983 on 2024-06-24 04:00:04+00:00.
I am NOT OOP, OOP is u/Zestyclose-Charge281
Originally posted to r/TrueOffMyChest
Grampa is “punishing” my dad. I have the power to stop it, but don’t know if I actually want to.
Thanks to u/soayherder and u/Direct-Caterpillar77 for suggesting this BoRU
Trigger Warnings: death of a loved one, emotional manipulation, financial exploitation
Original Post: June 9, 2024
I’m using a throwaway because if any of my friends or family see this, I don’t want them to know my main account, since I have some very private things on there.
I (f21) lost my mom when I was 14. Dad remarried when I was 17. My stepmom has a daughter (f15), she and dad had a boy(m3), and now she just gave birth to a little girl.
Anyway, I have worked since I was 16, to have so money to buy stuff for me. When I turned 18, dad said I was now an adult and should start paying rent. It was “only” 500 dollars. A symbolic amount since he would still cover food and other essentials. I was mad and we fought, but in the end I accepted and that was the arrangement until 7 months ago.
Dad came to me saying I had 2 months to move out, stepmom was pregnant and they would need my room for the baby. Which is insane because they both have private offices. My stepmom doesn’t even need one since she’s a SAHM since the birth of my baby brother. Nonetheless they told me I had to move.
BTW, just an addendum: Me and Stepmom get well fine. We don’t fight or bicker. I don’t think this was a evil stepmom moment, but who knows? Me and stepsister are actually pretty close, I help her with homework, and talk about her personal problems, I do love her very much.
Back to the story, I didn’t know what to do. I’m going to a college, (I want to be a civil engineer), and work part time. I don’t have the means to live by myself.
I called my aunt, asking if I could move in with her for the time being, until I figured something out, offered to pay rent and all. She was aghast at what dad was doing, she said I absolutely could live with her, no rend needed, but also said she was gonna deal with my dad.
The next day Grampa came to our house, and they talked privately, I could hear my dad angry voice, but couldn’t understand anything being said. After a while Grampa came to my room and said I had 3 choices. The first was continue living with dad and stepmom like I was doing, nothing would change except without paying rent. The second was moving in with him and grama, or my aunt. Third was find a place of my own and he would pay the rend and costs for me.
He said I didn’t need to choose now, I could keep living with dad and if I changed my mind to just tell him. I was actually relived I could still live with dad, and that this madness was over. But the following days and weeks, dad and stepmom were very hostile towards me, and I felt incredibly uncomfortable being in my own home. Even Cassie pick this up and asked me why they were angry at me.
So I decided to move out and told grampa. He said he would take care of everything… few weeks later he moved me in into ones of his rental units. The apartment is lovely, he bought me a fridge, stove, and other essential itens, he gave me a check for 15000 saying this money is to help me start living on my own. And that as long as I am working or studying, I can live there rent free, for as long as I want.
My dad and I have been pretty low contact since I moved out. He never came to visit me, or I visit them. I miss them a lot, specially my step sister, but am still hurt.
Two weeks ago, my stepmom gave birth, I visited them in the hospital. It was a little awkward, but nice seeing them and my baby sister. Anyway, few days ago dad calls me, saying he misses me, the children misses me, and I should move back home. He apologized for asking me to move out, etc etc etc. And I told him I would think about it.
Yesterday I visited my aunt, and was telling her what my dad said, and my cousin laughed a little and said “I’m sure he does…”. I asked what he meant, and that’s when they told me a lot of, until now, unknown information.
Basically, my dad’s home, is actually my grampa’s. (As is my aunt’s). Basically the deal he made with me, he did with all his kids and some grandkids as well. He never wanted any of his family to have to worry about basic stuff like house, and food, etc.
When I called my aunt that time, she called grampa, which was furious with dad, not only for kicking me out, but also for charging me rent. That day he went to my dad’s and tore him a new one, and threatened to have him evicted.
But now the “petty” part, you know that 15k grampa gave me? It’s actually what I paid dad in rent all that time. And now he’s making dad pay him back. Also… he’s charging dad 1200 dollars for the rent loss in apartment I’m living in.
Call me dumb, or naïve, but until now, I never realized my dad didn’t make that much money. We lived in a great house, always went on vacations, and lived very comfortable lives, but I guess grampa has always been helping behind the scenes.
Now my cousin thinks dad is struggling, with 3 kids at home, a single income, and having to pay it back to grampa. So he says Dad wants me back, because he imagines grampa will stop “punishing” him if I’m back living with them.
Honestly… I don’t know what to do. I’m actually loving living on my own these past 6 months. But I do really miss them, I miss my siblings. I miss the life we had before all of this, but I don’t know if moving back home is the right answer, and also… I’m hurt the reason he wants me back is money.
Honestly… I just wanted to vent.
Relevant Comments
landofpuffs: Stay right where you are. You can miss them and love them from afar. Go be with your grandfather and your aunts family. They seem like the real family. Also, try to go see a therapist.
OOP responds to several comments
He doesn’t want you though, he wants money. And knowing this is always going to hurt you and chip away at your self-worth.
This is the weird part. Because I know this… But also, it’s difficult see my dad that way.
These past 6 months I wondered why kick me out. If I had done something. Now I’m thinking, was it all about money?
How about starting new traditions with your aunt and grandparents? They love you and want you around.
Yeah… they’ve been great. I visit them whenever possible. Gramma isn’t in the bests of health but she even came to visit me on my Birthday.
I’m very lucky to have them and their support.
And thanks for the kind words.
Also, I have a feeling your grandfather would but unconvinced to change the rent your father is paying even if you were to move back. He is charging your father to make a point, not to actually cover your expenses.
It makes sense.
I’ve been reading what people say and I’m more comfortable with staying where I am. Less guilty.
But maybe I should talk with grampa about it, to hear his side. I now realize I’ve been too sheltered from information I think I need.
Update: June 17, 2024
I wanted to give you guys an update, since you’ve all been so helpful and kind to me. I was so overwhelmed by the support you gave me. Thanks 1000 times.
Before, just answering some questions people had. My aunt and grampa are from my father side of the family. My mom side unfortunately I don’t have much contact. My grandparents have passed away before mom, I have uncles and aunts, I see once in a while, but they don’t live close. I also have 2 other uncles from my father side, I’m close to them, but not as near my aunt. She was my rock when mom died. I consider her a second mom.
My stepmom knew about the rent I was paying, it was implied step sister would need to do the same when she turned 18. But I don’t know if she knew dad didn’t own the house, or the extend of how much grampa has financially helped dad.
To the update:
Monday, the day after my post, I called dad and said I decided to not move back. I didn’t mentioned anything I was told, just that was well settled here, and moving back seamed like a step back. But I also said I wanted to keep in contact with them. They could invite me for dinner whenever they wanted, and I also said I would love for my step sister and brother, to be able to spend time with me here at home.
He was disappointed, and I didn’t feel any angriness in his tone at least. But he basically said a “We’ll see” and left at that. I was also disappointed.
But then Friday he called me, asked me if I wanted to have launch Sunday (today), I said I already had plans with grampa and gramma, he asked when I would be free. So we schedule a dinner for Thursday.
I haven’t told any of this to my step sister, we talk and text regularly. She also haven’t heard they talking about me. But she did say her gramma (her mom’s mom) is there to help with the baby and is being incredibly annoying. I laughed at that. I wanted to offer her to sleepover here, but didn’t want to get her excited just for dad to say no, so I’ll try talk with them Thursday.
The big update is I’ve j…
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Always love when family steps up. Never understood how someone could let thier child fail so much. Especially to their grand kids.