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The original was posted on /r/bestofredditorupdates by /u/LucyAriaRose on 2024-06-18 04:01:13+00:00.

I am NOT the Original Poster. That is u/HotWolverine7330. She posted in r/AITAH

You can read previous BORUs here and here. **New Update marked with ******

Trigger Warning: abandonment; pregnancy complications; drug use;

Mood Spoiler: sad but things are better

Original Post: October 28, 2023

This situation has had me a bit confused so one of my neighbours suggested I post it here.

I 55f have two children George 31m and Gabrielle 29f. Gabrielle recently got engaged and I am helping her plan the wedding in my spare time. Which the entire family is very excited for. Except for George.

George recently divorced his wife of 7 years, Susanna 28f after he said the “spark had gone out”. They have a set of twins together, Amy and Alice 6f. And are trying to set up a healthy co parenting relationship. Susanna is a great mother to my grandkids and I was disappointed in George for giving up so fast on their relationship without even trying couples counselling. But it wasn’t my business or place to say anything.

The drama started when George brought his new girlfriend to dinner at my house. He met his girlfriend Bethany 25f through a work colleague and they have been dating for 4 months. At dinner Gabrielle and I were discussing flower arrangements and Bethany felt the need to ask George if he’d ever marry again. George coughed before replying that he’d have to think about it, which Bethany seemed to deflate at.

Well this caused Alice to cry about how she wants “mommy and daddy to love each other again”. George and Bethany just sat there while my granddaughter screamed. After I comforted Alice, I pulled George aside and asked if he was sure about Bethany. Which he told me was none of my business. I told him it was my business who he invited into my home and my grandchildren’s lives, since I’ve been caring for them in my spare time while he works. (He and Susanna have 50/50 custody).

George got angry and said it was Gabrielle’s fault for mentioning weddings in the first place. I told him to stop acting like a child and to be happy for his sister. Then Bethany felt the need to insert herself and tell me that she and George were together no matter how much I liked his ex wife.

After that I was done with the conversation and asked them both to leave. George and Bethany stormed off, flipped me the bird and left my grandchildren at my house at 7pm. I had to call Susanna to collect the children since they had school in the morning and I was attending a cake tasting with Gabrielle the next day.

I feel like I shouldn’t have to tell my 31 year old son to be happy for his sister or argue with a random woman whom I have never met before, in my own home. So AITA?

Relevant Comments:

George needs to pay for daycare for awhile:

“The truth is George can’t afford daycare with the child support and alimony he owes Susanna. I agreed to babysit my grandchildren as a favour to him.”

“I love my grandkids. But I wish George would appreciate the thousands of dollars I’m saving him each month.”

Just quite watching them and he’ll come crawling back:

I would if I thought he could afford it. We might disagree but I don’t want my son to be homeless.

Maybe they need to re-think the custody agreement if he can’t care for them:

If Susanna took on more custody then George would owe her more child support which he’s already struggling to afford. Plus it would mean that Susanna would have to work part time hours which isn’t really an option in her industry.

Alice needs counseling:

My husband and I have suggested that George pay for her to get some counselling but he keeps saying that he needs to save and can’t afford it.

What exactly were you asking when you asked if he was sure about Bethany?

“I was asking if it was really the right time to introduce her to the family, since his daughters are still sensitive about the divorce and are trying to come to terms with it.”

“I didn’t ask him in the context of “is Bethany right for you”. I meant it as in “are you sure this is the right time to introduce her”. I didn’t inherently dislike Bethany, but maybe it would have been better to introduce her to my grandkids after they’ve recovered from the divorce.”

Did George ask if he could bring Bethany beforehand?

George asked me if Bethany could come 20 minutes before he was supposed to arrive. So it’s not like I could say no at that point.

OOP is voted NTA

Update (Same Post): October 29, 2023 (Next Day)

I didn’t expect this post to gain so much attention and I want to thank everyone who gave their honest opinions and helpful suggestions. This situation happened a few hours ago and I thought it right to make an update.

Bethany came to my house to apologize for how she acted at dinner last week. She told me that she was 2 months pregnant and George had broken up with her after she told him. Because he “has too much responsibility” and didn’t want to be in the baby’s life.

I then spent the better part of three hours talking with Bethany about the baby and what she wants. She says she wants to keep the baby even if George refuses to be in its life , and I told her that I would help with childcare if she needs it since she doesn’t have any family that live nearby.

Before I got angry with George I thought I would call him and give him a chance to explain. George was angry that Bethany had shown up at my house and insisted that it wasn’t his baby. I told him that he should get a paternity test and he asked me for $500 to cover it since he’s struggling.

I told George that he needs to figure it out himself since he’s about to be a father of three, and that he better step up and do right by his kids. George then hung up.

Well two hours later I get a call from Susanna to say that George hadn’t picked up the kids like he’d previously agreed to and could she drop them at my place because she had work. I agreed for her to drop Amy and Alice off and tried to call George again. I called 12 times and they all went to voice message.

I don’t know where George is and have called his place of employment to try to find out, however they refused to tell me anything. I’ve agreed to watch Amy and Alice until Wednesday and Susanna has reported this incident to CPS. I assume she plans to file for full custody and I can’t blame her.

Right now I’m worried that George has run off somewhere or done something irresponsible. I am disgusted and will not be doing him any favours in future unless he has a very good explanation and accepts some responsibility.

This was hard to write but felt good to get off my chest. Thank you everyone for responding to my first post.

Relevant Comments:

Heavily downvoted comment but I liked OOP’s response:

Commenter: Hey, OP, you’re disappointed in your son for “giving up” on his marriage “so easily” and I’ll bet dollars to donuts that you and your DIL have been telling the twins that Mommy and Daddy are getting back together. I bet you asked your granddaughter to say something like that to “help Daddy realize that it would make everyone happy!” You need to butt out of your children’s personal lives get a damn hobby!

OOP: You owe me quite a few doughnuts then since you’re dead wrong.

I’ll poke my nose in my sons business when he’s being an irresponsible parent and not taking accountability for his children. Bethany is pregnant, it’s his time to have the twins and he’s nowhere to be found. It just proves to me I should have made his personal life even more of my business.

Alice caused drama and you exacerbated it by asking about Bethany:

Alice is six years old, she hardly meant to “cause drama” as you put it. She’s a six year old little girl who doesn’t understand why her parents no longer live together.

I never asked George if he was sure about Bethany in the context of “is she the one”. I meant it in the context of is he sure he’s making the right choice to introduce her to the family so soon. Since his own daughter clearly isn’t ready to think of her dad marrying someone else yet.

I don’t care who George ends up dating but he has children to think about and my granddaughters need to come before any random woman he’s been seeing for 4 months.

New Update Post: December 19, 2023

Okay so I made the original post about 2 months ago and since then things have been a bit crazy lately, so I just wanted to update as I had people asking if George was okay.

In my first post people suggested I give George some space and time to figure things out as a recently divorced father but after he ran off around two months ago I ended up filing a missing persons report. I talked to George’s workplace the day after I filed the report and they told me he had given his two weeks about a month ago.

I then tried call…

Content cut off. Read original on https://old.reddit.com/r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/1dihm3s/new_update_6_months_later_aita_for_kicking_my_son/

  • SpacehooksEnglish
    1·
    5 days ago

    New Update Post: December 19, 2023

    Okay so I made the original post about 2 months ago and since then things have been a bit crazy lately, so I just wanted to update as I had people asking if George was okay.

    In my first post people suggested I give George some space and time to figure things out as a recently divorced father but after he ran off around two months ago I ended up filing a missing persons report. I talked to George’s workplace the day after I filed the report and they told me he had given his two weeks about a month ago.

    I then tried calling George again and he finally picked up. He told me he was okay but he had moved states and no longer wanted any contact with his children because it was all too much responsibility for him. I snapped at George and told him he couldn’t just decide now he didn’t want to be a father. Then George told me he never wanted kids in the first place and “those kids don’t look anything like me anyway”. George then told me to F off and hung up the call.

    After that I informed the police department what had happened to let them know George wasn’t in any danger and that we knew his whereabouts. After that happened I just cried because I couldn’t believe I had raised such a selfish person.

    Susanna has filed for full custody and George as far as I know is refusing to pay child support and will probably end up in jail at some point. Bethany is now 4 months pregnant and is having a boy, and George is the father. Somehow he managed to come up with the $500 so he will have to pay child support since he doesn’t plan on being in the baby’s life.

    Bethany moved into my home in November since she’s had trouble doing things herself and her doctor says she’s at risk of pre-eclampsia if she becomes too stressed during the pregnancy. In that time we have gotten closer and despite how our first meeting went I actually have come to like Bethany.

    Sorry this isn’t the happy ending some of you were expecting, I have been following the advice I received from the first post and have not contacted George and he has not tried to contact me. I can only hope with time he pulls himself together and manages to step up as a father. Again thank you to everyone who gave helpful advice , I’m not sure if I will be updating further however.

    Relevant Comments:

    I guess we can only hope George steps up. I’m sorry:

    Thank you. It’s been hard for our family to cope with George being so irresponsible and I have been in and out of the hospital for the past two weeks due to the stress of the whole situation.

    I hope George steps up, though he hasn’t even sent Christmas gifts for his children.

    Definitely worth looking into therapy for yourself and family:

    My husband and I are looking into funding some family therapy and individual therapy for the twins but we’re waiting to see if our health insurance will cover it.

    Why does Bethany want to keep this pregnancy?

    Bethany is convinced that George will change his mind once the baby is born which I have tried to tell her probably won’t be the case, but Bethany is convinced he will and no one can tell her otherwise.

    *****Update Post: June 12, 2024 (6 months later, almost 8 from OG post)*****

    Hi reddit it’s been over 6 months since my last update after I completely forgot about this account. Much has happened in that amount of time so as requested here is the update.

    Well first of all Gabrielle is now married to her amazing fiancé and I couldn’t be more proud. The wedding was a small family affair at his parents farm. George did not attend the wedding but it was a beautiful ceremony all the same.

    Bethany has given birth to a healthy baby boy and has found an apartment and a new job. I am so proud of her for how well she is coping with everything.

    As suggested in my last post we did get the twins therapy and it has helped them heal through out this whole process. After George took off and abandoned his children our whole family needed time to heal and recover from the hurt and trauma.

    As for George, that’s a messy situation. Roughly 4 months ago George was found to be in possession of illegal substances and was arrested.

    When George first called me from the county jail I thought he was trying to get money out of my husband and I, however it just got worse and worse. He asked me to pay for a lawyer and I explained that because of his actions I couldn’t afford to help him and that I couldn’t trust him.

    George just sobbed and started apologizing for all he had done. I told him it was his kids he should be apologizing to, he kept sobbing and then told me there was another woman pregnant with his child. At first I didn’t believe him but then he gave details and I looked her up on Facebook - there was a picture of them as the profile picture. I hung up on him, disgusted yet still feeling somewhat responsible for what he has become.

    It was a few days later that we heard from George again and he told us his trial was in 2 months. He sounded so scared but part of me thought this was what he needed to learn consequences, though I felt disgusted at my thoughts since he’s still my son who I raised.

    My husband and I decided to attend the trial, even though it was in the next state. We felt we had to for our son and peace of mind. I told Susanna and Bethany and they were bewildered, declining to attend.

    At the trial, George was found guilty of all counts including criminal damage, robbery, and failure to pay child support - the judge gave him 6 years with no plea deal due to evidence. I didn’t know how to feel - my grandkids won’t see their dad for 6 years.

    It’s been 4 months and I’m still confused. George calls daily, crying, apologizing, begging us to get him out and to speak to his kids which I’ve declined since Susanna hasn’t given permission. Bethany decided no contact with him or her son. I haven’t reached out to his other girlfriend either, so unsure how to feel.

    This was depressing but I’m glad I updated. Thank you for reading, this is probably my last post. I hope we can recover and heal from this.

    Relevant Comment:

    Commenter: As a Mom, although we raise them, we are not responsible for their actions as adults… We may be part of why certain emotional or mental tendencies exist - but they are the ones that make the choices about what they are going to do in their lives, and what repercussions they will be responsible for.

    I just read through all 3 of your posts, and please stop beating yourself up. He needs to face the reality of the mess HE created, all on his own (okay so the women who slept with him without protection have a hand in the baby creation, the rest of it (including the jail time) is all the result of choices and actions that ONLY he owns).

    OOP: I really needed to hear that. It’s just that when your son becomes a felon people tend to blame their upbringing. I can’t help but think what I could have done differently.

    • SpacehooksEnglish
      1·
      5 days ago

      “Stop breaking the law” - Jim Carrey

      Dude needs a vasectomy and to spend the rest of his life making it up to all the woman his dumbass got involved with. His children will never forgive him for this level of pathetic.