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The original was posted on /r/bestofredditorupdates by /u/LucyAriaRose on 2024-05-17 04:35:21+00:00.

I am NOT the Original Poster. That is u/Ok-Resident2120. She posted in r/AITAH.

Thanks to u/Literally_Taken for the rec!

Do not comment on Original Posts. See rule 7. Also, this sub has a 7 day waiting period, ergo, the latest update is 7 days old.

Trigger Warnings: abuse; threatening a child

Mood Spoiler: distressing

Original Post: May 5, 2024

Okay, throwaway account

So, recently I(27F) had a beautiful baby girl with my husband(29M). She’s my pride and joy, I love her more than I love myself. But, taking care of her has taken its toll on me. My husband promised the work would be 50/50 when we agreed we wanted children, but I don’t feel that’s being reflected by his actions this past month. It’s gotten to the point where I can’t even ask him to wash her up without him saying something along the lines of, “My paternity leave is short, I want to make the most of it by relaxing a bit. I’ll help you out later.” And I get it. His paternity leave is only 6 weeks while mine is 16 weeks, but my nether regions hurt like a bitch for a better part of two weeks after the birth and all he could do for me was occasionally burp her.

Now, my baby girl has gotten to a phase where she doesn’t want to sleep. She’ll sleep for an hour, but then she’s up and back to crying and I have to get up and try to soothe her. It’s been happening for a week now and I’ve gotten so little sleep that I’m nodding off while eating or doing tge laundry and stuff. Saturday was the month anniversary of my daughter’s birth, so I decided to gather both sides of the family to meet her. (They hadn’t met her prior because a)I wanted to rest as much as I could and b)I heard somewhere that you shouldn’t be taking babies out and about when they’re fresh out the womb cause they’re more prone to illness then).

So, we had this gathering at my mother’s house and all was well. Everyone was cooing over our baby, there was food, people were catching up or neeting for the 1st time. It was nice. But, I had gotten about 3 hours(generous estimate) of sleep in total the past week and I was starting to feel the effects of it. I was feeling lightheaded and clammy, but I didn’t wanna make a scene so I tried to go to a bedroom to lie down. I didn’t take 10 steps before my vision completely blacked out. I wasn’t down for long, but I had fallen over which drew some attention. I explained to everyone who was concerned that I was fine and that I was just not getting enough sleep and I could see my husband visibly frown at that. They gave me some of the dessert my aunt made to get my sugar up and the party continued. I felt embarrassed about the whole thing, especially since everyone was still looking over me til we left, but it’s whatever

What bothered me is my husband’s reaction. When we got home, he started going off on me about how I “made him look bad” and like “he wasn’t taking care of me”. I was confused on how tf me passing out made HIM look bad, but he refused to explain himself and had a pity party for himself in the kitchen. I was still feeling bad, so I decided to leave him alone and just to go sleep, but he seems to have taken that as a sign that I don’t care about his feelings. He’s in my ear this morning about how I just ignored him to go sleep last night and how I didn’t even put the baby to sleep before leaving. Is he right? AITAH here?

Update: So I’ve tried talking with him, but he’s been ignoring me and the baby the last three hours. I’d usually wait longer, but I’m just too tired to deal with this right now. You guys were right, I do need help with this, and he’s made it very clear he’s not ready to help me yet, so I’m just going to go to my mom’s place. I’m currently packing. I’m so done.

Relevant Comments:

Commenter: The whole point of paternity leave is for him to help out, not relax! He makes you work extra hard on taking care of the baby. Then, when you pass out, he sees himself as a victim who looks bad in front of his family? Your fainting is proof that he’s NOT pulling his weight!

If you trust his parents, show them this post and get their backup in giving him the wake-up call he deserves.

OOP: His parents are genuinely nice people, so that may work. I’m starting to worry about my health at this point and he’s refusing to listen to me.

Commenter: Also, and this is big- baby may have colic or a milk allergy. Neither are uncommon and her waking like this and the frequent crying are not the norm. You need to call your pediatrician asap. Also, if you’re breastfeeding you may find you need to supplement. Sometimes we don’t have enough. How often does she need diaper changes?

OOP: Thank you for the advice. I thought she was just being fussy. Someone else said that I should switch to bottlefeeding because it’s easier to suckle, so I’ll try that while I try and get an appointment. Absolutely insane how random Internet strangers have helped me more with my baby than my husband has. Thank you!!

Commenter: Please divorce this guy. He will continue making life harder for you. I raised my child alone, and I was stunned at how much easier it was once I got rid of the selfish man-baby who had been draining every last bit of my energy.

Plus you don’t want your daughter growing up internalizing that treatment as what she should expect as a woman.

NTA. Obviously. Your narcissistic POS spouse needs to take that proverbial long walk off a short pier.

OOP: (written before the update on her post); I don’t think divorce is the answer. With a new baby and all, I don’t need the added mental, emotional, and financial stress divorce would bring. But I see where you’re coming from. I’ll see if he’d like to go to couples therapy with me or something. Maybe that would help.

Commenter: OP reading your post…has your husband always been this selfish and entitled?

HE wants to relax while on paternity leave after you gave birth to your beautiful baby girl?

HE looked bad when you almost fainted from lack of sleep? Did he even check on you to make sure you are ok? Have you told your family about this? you need rest and support during this time.

OOP: I don’t remember too well. He was there when my vision came back, but when I was thinking clearer, it was just my mom and his mom by my side with the dessert.

And I do feel its unfair that I have to do most of the work, especially when he told me that he’d be helping me out. He promised this would be a team effort, yetI’m doing everything by myself. That’s why I was so shocked that he was upset at me for passing out. The man I married would’ve been tending to me and taking me to bed, not yelling at me for something out of my control. It’s like he just switched personalities as soon as our baby was born. He went from loving and supportive to this. I don’t understand what happened.

Update Post 1: May 6, 2024 (Next Day)

Hi all, your comments were really helpful, so thank you!

Yesterday, before I could Uber to my mom’s house, my sister offered to help me, so I’m staying with her instead. She’s taking PTA to help me out with my girl, which I’m very grateful for. She also gave me sleep medicine that knocked me out for hours (I’m not sure if that was a good idea or not, but I slept long and well so I don’t care.)

I woke up a few hours ago to tons, and I mean TONS, of messages from my husband. Like, the little app icon had 99+ on it. Here are some of the things he said(copy pasted):

You cant just up and fucking leve with my baby

Come back now pls let’s talk abt it

Your actually so fuvking immature wth is wrong with you we have one argument and you fucking pretend like I’ve been beating you why the hell did you leave??? We can work this out like adults yet your choosing to be difficult like a little bitch

Pls just come back we will talk and sort this out and we can go back to being happy so come back

I miss my baby girl you can’t just take her away

What if I call the police for kidnapping??? Would that teach you wat your doing is wrong???

I would screenshot, but it says this community doesnt allow attachments, so i can’t. And I know it’s a bit weird to tell yall what he’s been texting me, but I’m mad right now and this feels therapeutic lol. I already sent the screenshots to his mom though!

As for my baby, I have an appointment to a paediatrician for Wednesday, but for now she’s on formula since my breast milk quality isn’t the best for understandable reasons. My sister said she wasn’t as fussy as I described, so I really think the problem is with my milk. That or my sister wanted to make me feel better for sleeping, who knows. I’ll wait for the doctor’s opinion.

I’m not feeling 100% but I feel a whole lot more better than before. Thank you to everyone who showed concern! I think this will be the last update since I wanna not think too much about my husband rn.

Update [Post](https://www.reddit.com/r…

Content cut off. Read original on https://old.reddit.com/r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/1ctwt46/aitah_for_passing_out_during_a_family_gathering/

  • SpacehooksEnglish
    1·
    15 days ago

    Update Post 2: May 10, 2024

    For all of you who wanted to know what his mother’s reaction was, she yelled at him and he made that my problem. The things he’s messaged me are vile. And even though MIL was mad at him and KNOWS what he’s been saying to me, she still insisted that I go visit him face to face so we can work things out.

    I don’t really blame her. He’s her son, of course she’d still want to help him, but still…With all the ways he’s been threatening me and cussing me out, I really didnt want to see him, but I decided to go. Mostly because I needed the stuff that I left at our house.

    I went with my sister for safety, obviously. We got there and he played with our baby, he offered to feed her (she wasn’t hungry), just acting completely different from the man texting me about how much of a “heartless bitch” I am. I didn’t really feel comfortable having him near me or the baby with how violent his texts were, but she’s still his baby. I don’t think the courts would favour him after I show his texts, but I thought I should rather be safe and allow him some form of contact before going to court. This was a mistake.

    At the end of the visit, I decided I should go pack my stuff, since that was one of the only reason I agreed to come. But, I didn’t feel comfortable not being there while he had my baby. Yeah, my sister was there and I trust her, but I’d rather watch her with my own eyes. So, my sister went upstairs to pack for me. As soon as she was gone, he started talking about “See? I’m good now I can take care of her.” And other stuff but that wasn’t the problem. Even if he became super dad, I wouldn’t be able to see him the same. Not after all those messages he sent me.

    I told him that and he got pissed at me. I was getting worried since my daughter was still in his arms, so I tried to deescalate his feelings. It didn’t work and he started yelling at me for “being heartless” and “stubborn” and whatnot. I wasn’t really focused on what he was saying, I was focused on my baby. I tried to reach out for her and he shoved me hard enough to fall back. My sister came down and tried to help, but he shoved her away too and ran to the guest room and locked himself and MY BABY in there. He refused to come out unless my sister left and i stayed behind. I can’t tell y’all how scary it is to not know what’s happening to your child.

    It took officers almost 30 minutes to get him out, which pissed me off. Like I know they were probably trying to assess the danger or whatever but I just wanted my baby. In that 30 minute window he could’ve shaken her or threw her out the window or something and they were there asking him to come out like he was a child and not breaking down the door. She was fine, though, so I can’t be too mad.

    They didn’t arrest him since “no harm was done” even though my sister and I have bruises to prove otherwise, but they held him outside while I packed my stuff. It actually bothers me that they didn’t at least detain him, but there’s not much I can do about it now. I don’t think I’m going to go near him again. Not with my baby. I’m thinking of going to apply for that emergency custody thing yall were talking about.

    This happened on Wednesday and I’m still shaken. It’s really depressing, for a lack of better word, seeing how much he’s changed. I really loved him and I felt he loved me too. How he’s acting is crushing me. I feel deflated. My baby girl and my sister are really the only things keeping me going right now.

    I’m sorry for the wall of text, it’s just that texting this all out helps me feel better. But, I don’t think I want to continue updating. Just know that we’re splitting up. Thank you all for your support!!

    Extra: after visiting the doctor, I’ve decided to just skip the hassle and formula feed. She seems happier with formula anyways.