sad posting, some negativity about being trans (directed inward you all are amazing), fears of transphobia
I’m just so sad and confused. It hurts. I’m so jealous of women. I hate my body. I wish I was born a girl. I’d never feel this way. I’d have other issues, obviously, but idk I just think I’d be happier with my body/socially. But I don’t want to be trans :cri: it seems so hard. I wish I could just be cis. Why can’t I be okay with being a guy. It’s objectively got a lot of advantages. Why hexbear. And if I decided I was trans I’d be so terrible at it for so long 😢 everyone would just look at me like a man pretending to be a woman. A pervert. I don’t want people to look at me like a disgusting creep :/ what did I do to deserve this. This sucks. I hate the idea of being trans.
Also if anyone has any advice on discussing this with my therapist (or if I even should) I’d appreciate it. I feel like I should know what I want before telling them but (emoji I can’t remember the name of, it’s the yellow face throwing hands upward in kinda defeat)
everyone would just look at me like a man pretending to be a woman. A pervert. I don’t want people to look at me like a disgusting creep :/
On the plus side, it’ll help filter out people who probably rather not be friends with anyways. My mom worried about us being ostracized because of having two moms, but I figured anyone who that was enough reason to keep them from wanting to be around me were not worth my time. So I was pretty unashamed about my parents (perhaps I should have respected their privacy a bit more). It is a lot harder to feel that way when its yourself and I can’t say much given I still need to come out to some people (and I intend to stay in the eggshell at work), but at least its something I’d like to keep in mind myself.
Being trans is really hard a lot of the time, the first year before I got hormones was probably the worst of my entire life. It was definitely worth it though, because being a guy sucked really badly for me regardless of any “advantages”. Taking hormones is way cooler!
IME the whole concerns about being seen as a pervert (support to our perverts here) or “pretending” aren’t that big, like the biggest population of Blanchardites is probably on 4chan at this point. Surprisingly I have never once been accused of being a perv or whatever, and I’m not some perfect passing model. I think you yourself tend to worry about it waaay more than anyone else does. There are safety concerns to consider, but y’know. Also everyone “sucks” at being their gender to start, like I still couldn’t do my own makeup if you asked me to
My main question regarding your therapist would be, how good is your therapist? If you have a cool therapist, you can just be like “I want to do something about my gender, but I’m afraid of x y and z” and you would get help n support, ideally.
But they’ll think it. And they’ll say it behind my back. One of them is in my own family 😔 and I don’t think they’ll get any real push back. And I like (most) of my family :ooooooooooooooh:
I don’t know. I’m sure he’s helped trans people before, but he has made a comment I’m a little worried about (basically saying that a lot of people bring up maybe being lgbt and then don’t bring it up again [context was me telling someone I was ace, then realizing I wasn’t and depression sucks ass so bad]) but maybe I’m over thinking it like usual. Plus he’s going to push for me to say things to my family (who I still live with), and I’m not ready :boohoo: I don’t know I’m so confused :meow-confused: (?)
Okay yeah, maybe you should not like portions of your family if they are like that. We used to kill people with hammers for saying shit like that! They should get pushback, fuck em! You can’t tell what people are thinking though, and uh I dunno, you can’t really tell what people say behind your back either. I’m certain people have talked shit about me, and Idk ask me do I give a fuck.
It’s pretty bad of a therapist to do that, like he should prioritise your comfort above all else imo, but I guess he can’t force you at least. If they don’t bring it up again, Mr Therapist, maybe it’s because they feel awkward about it…
You were probably lookin for ! I might still recommend talking with your therapist about it, maybe with the caveat up front that you’ll be talking to your relatives about it solely on your terms?
Happy Early May Day!
sad posting, some negativity about being trans (directed inward you all are amazing), fears of transphobia
I’m just so sad and confused. It hurts. I’m so jealous of women. I hate my body. I wish I was born a girl. I’d never feel this way. I’d have other issues, obviously, but idk I just think I’d be happier with my body/socially. But I don’t want to be trans :cri: it seems so hard. I wish I could just be cis. Why can’t I be okay with being a guy. It’s objectively got a lot of advantages. Why hexbear. And if I decided I was trans I’d be so terrible at it for so long 😢 everyone would just look at me like a man pretending to be a woman. A pervert. I don’t want people to look at me like a disgusting creep :/ what did I do to deserve this. This sucks. I hate the idea of being trans.
Also if anyone has any advice on discussing this with my therapist (or if I even should) I’d appreciate it. I feel like I should know what I want before telling them but (emoji I can’t remember the name of, it’s the yellow face throwing hands upward in kinda defeat)
spoiler
On the plus side, it’ll help filter out people who probably rather not be friends with anyways. My mom worried about us being ostracized because of having two moms, but I figured anyone who that was enough reason to keep them from wanting to be around me were not worth my time. So I was pretty unashamed about my parents (perhaps I should have respected their privacy a bit more). It is a lot harder to feel that way when its yourself and I can’t say much given I still need to come out to some people (and I intend to stay in the eggshell at work), but at least its something I’d like to keep in mind myself.
I know I shouldn’t care but :cri: it’s still so hard. I’ll try to remember that though.
The fact that they apply these standards only to themself, not anybody else ✨
The emote you want is
or 
It’s not really a standard, and I am very proud of all the wonderful trans people out there, I just don’t want it for myself :kitti-cry:
And also being they/them ed for the first time feels so good :meow-hug: things are confusing right now.
Being trans is really hard a lot of the time, the first year before I got hormones was probably the worst of my entire life. It was definitely worth it though, because being a guy sucked really badly for me regardless of any “advantages”. Taking hormones is way cooler!
IME the whole concerns about being seen as a pervert (support to our perverts here) or “pretending” aren’t that big, like the biggest population of Blanchardites is probably on 4chan at this point. Surprisingly I have never once been accused of being a perv or whatever, and I’m not some perfect passing model. I think you yourself tend to worry about it waaay more than anyone else does. There are safety concerns to consider, but y’know. Also everyone “sucks” at being their gender to start, like I still couldn’t do my own makeup if you asked me to
My main question regarding your therapist would be, how good is your therapist? If you have a cool therapist, you can just be like “I want to do something about my gender, but I’m afraid of x y and z” and you would get help n support, ideally.
But they’ll think it. And they’ll say it behind my back. One of them is in my own family 😔 and I don’t think they’ll get any real push back. And I like (most) of my family :ooooooooooooooh:
I don’t know. I’m sure he’s helped trans people before, but he has made a comment I’m a little worried about (basically saying that a lot of people bring up maybe being lgbt and then don’t bring it up again [context was me telling someone I was ace, then realizing I wasn’t and depression sucks ass so bad]) but maybe I’m over thinking it like usual. Plus he’s going to push for me to say things to my family (who I still live with), and I’m not ready :boohoo: I don’t know I’m so confused :meow-confused: (?)
Okay yeah, maybe you should not like portions of your family if they are like that. We used to kill people with hammers for saying shit like that! They should get pushback, fuck em! You can’t tell what people are thinking though, and uh I dunno, you can’t really tell what people say behind your back either. I’m certain people have talked shit about me, and Idk ask me do I give a fuck.
It’s pretty bad of a therapist to do that, like he should prioritise your comfort above all else imo, but I guess he can’t force you at least. If they don’t bring it up again, Mr Therapist, maybe it’s because they feel awkward about it…
You were probably lookin for
! I might still recommend talking with your therapist about it, maybe with the caveat up front that you’ll be talking to your relatives about it solely on your terms?
Wish coming out as something and later retracting it was just normal.
I do too 😢 they were cool but I still felt so weird about it.