I had very similar feelings for a while, and it’s only fairly recently that i’ve decided that i do in fact want top surgery (several years now into identifying as trans.) I haven’t started taking T yet, though I plan to soon in the future. for me, what I realized is that I liked the way I looked with breasts from an abstract aesthetic point of view but I didn’t feel connected to it. and like Estradoll, my experience with this stuff has changed throughout my experience of being trans. ofc this is just my own experience and idk how things are for you exactly. top surgery is definitely not required to pass as a man :)

I’ve been feeling very… out of it. Kind of untethered to reality. And that reality includes friends who care about me, it even includes the funny bear website (hence why I haven’t been posting.) Part of it is the fact that I got way hyperfixated, and I turned to that hyperfixation to take my mind off of some shitty life circumstances, but now I don’t know how to pull myself back. Looking in the mirror is so weird because I don’t feel like I’m looking at myself in it, whoever “myself” is; even more than usual. I don’t feel like I’m looking at a real person. Part of me honestly wants to sink into my hyperfixations forever and just drift away from reality and completely into my own mind, but like, I can’t do that. Doesn’t help that I just went through something kind of traumatic and I have no idea how to process it.