omg IIRC last i heard from ya about this you were feeling pretty hopeless abt meeting someone, i am extremely happy for you bratan!!

COMPLETELY anecdotal but i’ve had much less success (solely in terms of quantity of matches) on Hinge (which forces you to list your height) vs Tinder (where I leave it unlisted), plus i’m more the stereotypical “hinge type” (sensitive softboy). it’s a thing on the apps IME but it’s some smoothbrain shit to blame individual women rather than patriarchal norms of attraction and beauty. and like yeah some of them on there are insensitive and dickish about it but that just filters someone you probably wouldn’t like? plus the apps incentivize all kinds of callous and inconsiderate shit.

(fwiw i’m 5’6", shorter than the male average but taller than most women in the US).

i mean if material conditions continue to degrade, ya know…but that won’t be my choice…

might give fear and hunger another go on normal difficulty this time. the vibes and world were immaculate but the gameplay was just too frustrating, i get that the brutal unforgiving nature is designed to reinforce the themes but shit like torch management simply got too tedious for me especially as someone with a poor sense of direction prone to getting lost in games

on a long enough timeline…the treats consume you

i was bein a lil cheeky/facetious lol but thankfully my drinking isn’t at that level, but also i def have been known to drink + vidya so ya prob not the move for ya boy

i hope you’ve learned a lesson abt fake friends

night walks do be a thing of beauty agreed but my issue is they can also lend themselves to drinking IME lol. they’re a super nice thing to do for their own sake though, substance management aside!

having had some casual sex experiences recently that were like…nothing, i kinda see more how a monogamish open relationship might work OK for me. but that kinda cuts both ways: casual sex is generally unimportant to me, so it’s also not a big deal for me and a potential partner to simply not have it if that avoids unnecessary complication or hurt. also feel like i’d be open to swinging with a partner which i see as somehow different? but it’s also far from something i need, just something i’d be open to trying if my partner also wanted it.

idk, having one promising/potentially serious prospect has really killed my desire to swipe much or try to maintain a “roster,” even though it’s brand new and far from exclusive or official in any capacity. i can’t tell if that’s my monogamous tendencies talking, or my hatred of dating apps. i swipe when im taking a shit still and will try to strike up convos with my matches here and there, but it’s more because i feel like i “should” to like…guard my heart maybe since my current thing isn’t really “real” yet? i also know she deleted her apps and said “realistically i’m not gonna keep up with them, if i go on dates it’ll be people i meet irl” which maybe means we’re both Passively Non-Exclusive but Focused on Each Other? idk she seems to have a network of queer woman friends, so probably has more irl dating opportunities than i do as a hetmasc.

i’m surely overthinking all of this and wish i were better at going with the flow on things but oh well that is simply the SoylentSnake way, learn to love it or decide u don’t fw me!

i didn’t realize there are rules like this i’m new to giving a shit about how i dress wallahi i am finished

unpacking being a pretty-to-very monogamous person but also having my longest relationship be under a pretty toxic model of monogamy. i don’t blame my ex, they were raised in a certain way that made it make sense to them and which was hard to de-internalize and they grew during our relationship but it just wasn’t enough and i have no desire to ever dip a toe back into that morass of psychic pain again. it’s an interesting dynamic figuring out what i’m comfortable with and how to be true to myself while also rejecting puritanism and the more rigidly enforced aspects of my preferred relationship style. i’ve noticed that i’ve started seeing the ability to do both monog and non-monog (on the apps and whatnot) as a light green flag/plus which idk, is just interesting to me. no big point im trying to make just kind of journaling to my computer comrades

the atomization got hands : / and as ever i wish i had solutions but im frickin comin up blank

might be worse for my health than drinking tbh when i played wow way way back in the day i did not have good impulse control, plus you can drink while you play vidya

cut the sleeves off a few of my band shirts, slutty Soylent summer commence

<— u n me hanging out in spirit

might try going to my local bar just for the live music for a bit and not drink alcohol. wish me luck ya’ll…

UPDATE: i guess my drinking break is starting tomorrow lmao

another one of those weekends where i don’t really have plans so i feel listless and lonely and restless. ah frickin heck, and it’s the night my frickin drinking break starts to boot! frick this effin twisted world

yeah during breaks ive noticed i feel more alert and crisp/fresh during the mornings for sure and my brain is just quicker on the uptake, but idk the evenings always get kinda rough and i just enjoy them more with a drink in hand. there are definitely complex psychological and sociological factors pushing my habit, but i think there’s also a big simple one which is that my body and mind just kinda enjoy the sensation of being buzzed or drunk. that said gonna try to start a week-ish break today though, wish me luck!

“I’m going to wake up and be a 💯 different person when I wake up because I’m going to start doing THIS!” kinda thought, that inevitably leads to you waking up and being he same shitty person you always were?

it’s funny how much tony would have complained about gen z/alpha and tiktok considering he was the proto “weaponizing poorly understood therapy speak to exert his will and justify his existence” person lol