I love you, I thank you, you help. I have recently come to accept I have a fear of anger. In general, especially my owns, and rooted in past fear of my father’s anger. Past understanding, just rage allowed.

Anyways, here’s a scream I wrote he’s not ready for, and I can’t send for fear of misunderstanding and/or rage I know logically is missing key elements required.

Clever hahahaha

I am sorry. In rereading, I see my self centeredness. Finally.

I am not able to be professional in this, according to the top comment, I think. I will try still, in whatever ways I can, and maybe one day find a bridge to give me the space to explain my beliefs.

I used to have strong beliefs, but therapy showed me the scars that I carry into every decision I make as anxiety unknown. I know now, at least.

Words capture feelings that our stomach gurgles. I am sorry to not respond to you for so long, I try to communicate but the constant loop has changed direction and now every little bit is different and I need to hear all of it because I AM insane.

IGNORE THE ABOVE^^^ except the sorry?

I am grateful to you. I do not know you. But I am so glad to talk to you. I can’t stop feeling like a monster now.

ANYWAYS, nimona on Netflix is a very beautiful movie. I cried 3 times now, watching it twice. If you’d like to be friends, I am always here. Anybody, right now, this is my username. It’s here as me. This post is me. If I get banned, this dies. I am glad to have had this post.

Artificial intelligence is plateauing?

The human population is reaching a necessity for culling. We will die. Artificial intelligence, global warming, and partial political dysfunction leading to totality of power? Totality of power already exists, political dysfunction will lead to riots we will never start or… what?

Is there another side to this? Where will we be 10 years from now? Will health care still be tied into employment? Honestly, I need to look into how that helps a business and why. Will homes still be empty yet enough to house every homeless person more than twice over?

Bureaucracy, deliberate consideration.

I’m sorry. I am past drunk. I deserve every downvote and more. I’m just…. Crying. That’s all this is. Not poetry. Not any consistent logical progression or round trip, just… idea after idea, separate and lost but also pure in solitary conception.

Asimov and Herbert both agree that humans would and will use artificial intellligence to commit genocide of the non-aristocratic. All of us peasantry. The question, in truth, is who will make the choice and why will they make their selection? What will their parameters be?

There’s history, and there are generations of billions of humans that shaped it. Whyd they do it, what did they spread it into, and where are we now? What is it that provides the true future worth and value?

I have Debian. I use i3. I love vim and shortcuts, and emacs. I wanted to learn nonstop, I got pretty good at emacs. Used it for about 10 months, laptop died and I got a desktop. I’m just a lazy piece of shit lol when it comes to that I guess. I lay down all the time. But that’s not living. I want to live.

I am worthless. I am sorry. If I get banned now. I hereby accept it.

I hope I’ve proven your description of poetic wrong by now haha

Hope your hinges are stable and worth it, person. I am seeing a therapist, the only evolutionary imperative in life I see is to survive, the rest is what you choose. All I ask is what you choose, and how you measure the why of the what.

I’m sorry. I can’t help but believe in naive hopes of understanding, of widespread passion that can be shared with at least, all people. Dogs love unconditionally, don’t they?

Someday, I wish. Just trying to figure out how I can make it easier, up the chances maybe. But today you’re worth the money you make. Simple as that, so meanings don’t matter. Makes it easier to be individual, but… belief is supposed to be separate, right? Where’s love supposed to lead to?

We’ve all got a voice inside, why can’t we just let them RUCKING TALK TO EACHOTHER? Is that really so insane? Fine, go fucking support your stupid fucking circlejerk communities and vote for trump or refuse to vote at all for the sake of your pop media interpretation of Palestine. Genocide? Yes. Will you vote for suicide because of it?

You tell me. Sorry. Not you, specifically, I’m sorry. But anyone reading, what are you trying to do? Don’t respond, I don’t fucking care. I’m not worth it. Let go of what you want for just a second, feel what you suppress, stop giving in to pain.

Okay, then what are you? What matters to you, do you think of some experiences as good, or some as bad? Some as better, some as worse? What’s the difference? I’m truly curious.

This is a question with a very unnecessary body. Is it ugly? “Jesus Christ,” you say? What do you care about? I am seeing a therapist, he’s recommended the book “introduction to family systems,” by Richard Schwartz and I read it through twice about a year ago. It’s still seeing this therapist, and I’m healing.

I had a question, you didn’t answer it. You focused on the body. I’m sorry I had so much to vent. I’m healing. I’m trying to express myself and hear what responses I deserve.

Thank you for your response, I really do look forward to hear if you do have any measure of value, and how you define that measurement. There’s logic and there’s matter, and I wander.

If you say you value efficiency over emotions, I feel sad for you. But I’d love to hear why. I make no assumptions, I really do look forward to your answer to the question you ignored to instead tell me I don’t belong.

What the fuck do you live for? Can you tell me that?

Sounds relative. What’s “absolute” value to you? The measure to define the worth of an experience, compared to another? Make life easier, more enjoyable? Do you ever feel free? Always?

Is that schizo? What’s the point of asking, “what’s the point?”

Thanks lol

I don’t want to be sad. But as they say, the only way out is through, right? Thank you for the downvote, whoever you are. I wish you’d tell me why so I could respond, but this will have to do.

I’m sorry to comment like this, but… I just had a thought I must, “save forever,” because I’m scared I’ll lose it.

All this time, I’ve wondered if my girlfriend hates me or not.

Now that I find my feelings, I can only wonder how MUCH she hates me.

I had a comment to a post where I felt similarly with a long story that related to what I was feeling. The time spent writing that comment, and the explicit open invitation to message them, made me feel enough hope to not think that specific flow of words, “how MUCH hate.”

I wondered, “how did I fuck up and how can I fix it?”

I cheated on her the first year I was with her. It’s hard to admit that I talked shit about her the first few days, and remnants lasted as a part of me for a while after.

It’s been 3 years now, and we live together because finances and a random gun shooting as part of a fight a neighbor of mine I never knew involved the beating up of a guy that came back with a gun.

That’s the story the cops gave me, and occams razor is hard to use there, especially when it doesn’t matter why it happened. I moved out to live with her, and we got a new apartment.

I asked her to move in with me after she mentioned she wish that was the way it happened.

Initiative is the man’s responsibility, right? Sex says 1>1.

There’s love on both sides.

I’m sorry to spam. Again, I ask to please not ban. My life is on the line. I am not hateful or against any general rules. I ask that this be let passed for no reason other than to supplement the question I ask:

what do you value?!

Flattery?

You can, though, if you can forget hard enough. Forgo the meanings that scream, listen to the pain that hurts. Breathe, and listen past the mask your guts hold against you.

They gave up, so you gave up, but we are warriors. We strive against unity inherently, but love strives against us. Back and forth and back and forth we go, but zero is foam. The concept of one is just a measure of reality.

Let go of asking why you are, and hear what it is that you ARE. That’s the only way to understand, is to let GO of what you accept. There is no truth, only compromise.

We must find balance.

In other words… “waaaah. I’m a crybaby.”

That is great advice. A thing to do, and progress to reach for. Thank you. I will not make the decision to get a cat a hasty one, for all our sakes.

“Cats are instinctual.” Eh? Yeah? 9 lives and very soft? Ehhhhh?

Thank you, not that you’ll accept the gratitude, but that I appreciate your defense. It helped more than I know, but I know I felt relief.

Thank you.

For the 5th time reading this, sincerely, “ouch.” - me

03:12

Power lies in paths realized, expressed in terms of interaction, created in the safety of a human mind.

The mind implies the brain, but what most forget is that it also includes the body. The body speaks as you.

But power lies in relationships and your place in them. The “bodies,” outside of you interact in very complex ways. The “body,” within, though?

Now that I question with such text, I answer in passion. I want this passion to be visible, for that sake I dream of making an interface to write.

I’ll make it on Linux, accessible by command line, but I’ll make it accessible with a GUI as well.

First comes the gui, not in code but in formulation of a place for me to write freely.

“Frame of reference is the necessary difference for separation to exist.” - me, now.

How audacious, to write my thoughts on such a way. Contagiously, is my hope in that question with no question mark.

Who cares what I have to say, when it’s nothing but pseudo-intellectual bullshit.

Alas! I’ve found a target I would not mind exposing to this utter bullshit that is my soul right now.

You! I ask not for love, for hate, or anything inbetween or not. I ask for naught. Only that you care enough for the time you HAVE lost in reading whatever portion of this that you have read, to ask yourself what you feel.

Anytime, anywhere, all the time, everywhere, what you feel. Do you feel your breath? Your fingers, your toes, your muscles, your bones? The beating of your heart, that travels everywhere?

I don’t ask for an answer. I ask and I listen, I speak and it’s enough. Alas, if only that was the case. If only I could SHUT THE FUCK UP.

We live for many reasons, one of which is that we haven’t died yet. Another is that our parents fucked.

Was it worth it? I guess that’s what they must ask? Maybe? Sometimes? With no “earth,” as Plato saw it, we travel at the speed of light. Mass is the slowing down of light, from the perspective of the very very fat.

I strive to mean much, yet I still walk empty. I talk less than air, I scream with words silent. Is it worth the read? Was I worth my seed?

When you trust yourself to answer honestly is when the questions disappear.

Help, a scream of love, not me, but yourself. And not for me, either, please. The stronger my light grows, the easier it is to hide in its shadow.

Cry for yourself, if you can. It’s too late for me. Pray for your children, it’s too late for their seed. 03:29

I don’t comment/post online much. I’m depressed and I think my girlfriend hates me, but these upvotes give me hope. Thank you.

If you find something that helps, please let me know. I’m so tired.

Take this with a grain of salt, but I’ve been going to therapy lately and I feel like most big parts of my healing process can be attributed to reading introduction to internal family systems.

I write a lot to process, but I’ve stopped recently to just sit with my emotions and face them without any distractions. Trying to sit with silence is hard, but the closer you get with genuine peace, the deeper you go. The book helped me understand that I’m all of me, and sometimes that contradicts, and that I don’t need always need words to define experience.

I don’t know how else to help, but therapy’s helped me feel more… real. Not so idealistic as a consequence, and things are scarier that way, but… life goes on.

I’m reading the red book by Carl Jung now. It is very helpful for me in understanding my own “human experience.”