No there is a built in airbag

Agreed that’s what “big spider” wants you to believe. They control the world wide web after all.

Ugh jeez mom! Do we have to wear the feathers. 😒

I’ll price match and make sure I eat loads of asparagus first.

On golf courses they own, so when they put it in as a “work expense” they get a tax credit and pay themselves back.

Still worth slamming my staff.

This is a rare situation where I appreciate that the illustrator covered his junk, but I don’t totally feel comfortable with the how they covered his junk.

My hotel just left a dead hooker in my mattress.

Letting her know you drank a bunch of pineapple juice before your date.

Same and everyday of my life at work.

“So… Linda. How did Tim do at his first day at school?”

Inside voice: I could give a flaming shit about your crotch goblin. I just don’t want to be outted as an emotionless lizard person. Please Satan make this a quick story, so I can go back to my soul crushing labor.

The folks exposed died a few days after. So it wasn’t instant. Very slow and horrible probably as all their organs and cells died at a molecular level and skin fell off.

So damage over time and can not be healed. Would be accurate.

I cast fear on Julius Caesar!

Uh oh, Julius Ceasar’s only path is through most of the members of Senate. Each member gets one attack of opportunity.

Go ahead and roll 23 dodecahedrons for hits! Brutus also gets advantage for backstab.

On the flip side you could commit suicide in prison day one reincarnate as mayflies two times in a row and be done with your sentence in 3 days.

Of course you’d have to work your way back up the chain through different organisms, but you’d have technically satisfied the terms.

Agreed someone needs to make this concept into some story. Seems like something Philip K Dick would write as a short story.

I heard if you go into your bathroom and turn off the lights. Then close your eyes and spin around three times well saying “Nintendo, Nintendo, Nintendo!”

It will summon their lawyers and they will drag you to court through your bathroom mirror for violating copyright.

Just beating off with boys all the way down the line.

If I looked like this, I’d have to beat the women back with a stick!

Because they are filthy peasants of course and I can’t have them touching my finery. Also my wrists would be too delicate to wield a stick, so I’d have a boy for that.

That is a fun fact! Also add another check on the list of correlations to actual society that make that movie more prophetic than satire.

Maybe I need to calm down and drink some more electrolytes.

Frolicking in fields? Better check yourself for ticks.

Your mother makes robots in hell.