Lettuce eat lettuce

Always eat your greens!

  • 11 Posts
  • 628 Comments
Joined 10 months ago
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Cake day: July 12th, 2023

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  • Not really, accept that he definitely needs professional therapy from a licensed personal who is experienced dealing with that specific form of PTSD.

    Remember, you aren’t his therapists, nor can you ever be, and trying to fill that role won’t be good for either person.

    I had to learn this the hard way with a friend of mine who grew up with a very rough childhood. Lots of deep trauma, some pretty horrible stuff. I was trying to act like their therapist without intending it, and they started unintentionally treating me like a therapist.

    It caused a lot of problems in our friendship and almost ended it actually. I had to eventually tell them, “I care about you, but I’m not your therapist, and I can’t ever be your therapist. You need professional help to deal with your trauma.”

    Lots of space, no even hints of a relationship for a long time, (years). It takes a long time to heal from that level of trauma, and there isn’t anything wrong with that. If at the end of all that, he’s truly a new person, fully healed, and there is still a potential spark, then it’s a different situation.

    But until then, And I do mean several years at least no relationship, trust me, you both will be better off.

    PS, not sure if you’re also getting professional therapy, but if you can, do it. You very likely need it too, and I say that lovingly. I have received it myself and seen many people I know get helped by it.

    Stay smart, stay safe, and best wishes.




  • The fact that you’re asking other people about this while being so concerned about all the red flags, is itself a red flag.

    Think about it this way: If I wanted you to invest in some company, but I prefaced it with a long list of reasons why the company was really risky and not a wise choice to invest in, would you still invest your life savings into it?

    I’ve known several people, men and women who dated somebody similar to your description, a tortured soul/bad boy or girl that was trying to get better. Do you know how many of them it worked out for? Zero, a zero percent success rate. Worse yet, all of them were hurt in the end by that person. It caused trauma, heartache, and in some cases, straight up abuse.

    You shouldn’t get into a relationship with somebody who’s not fully healed. It is absolutely possible for people to heal from severe trauma and life circumstances, I’ve seen it happen. But until that happens, you shouldn’t get into a relationship with them. It’s a bad idea for both parties.

    If they get therapy, work on themselves, become established, fix their issues, heal their wounds, and are like that for years consistently, then you can think about dating them. If they are truly on the right path, they will be completely fine with it working out or not at that time down the road.

    If they aren’t alright with that, then it is a confirmation that they aren’t actually healed because they aren’t healthy enough to accept that happening. A mature and well-adjusted person is patient enough to wait, and mature enough to accept that different people’s lives sometimes go in different directions.

    TL;DR Don’t do it. You almost certainly will end up hurt, worse off, and possibly even abused. You might also ruin their healing process unintentionally too.


  • Plasma has been pretty stable for the last several years I’ve been using it, especially X11. Wayland is buggier, but not terribly so, and it gets better all the time.

    I’ve switched over to Wayland with Plasma now because it is stable enough for me now, I’m on Nobara.

    I don’t really use Gnome, so I can’t speak to that experience.

    If I were to vouch for a DE that is rock stable, it would be Cinnamon. I’ve never had any problems with Cinnamon. It’s not super pretty, and it’s a bit clunky, but if I want a DE that just works and gets out of my way, Cinnamon is my first choice.

    It’s what I use for my business laptop, LMDE with Cinnamon, rock solid.

    I should also add that I’ve always used fully AMD hardware, CPU and GPUs, and never brand new. Always a year or two old, so the Linux kernel has time to address bleeding edge bugs and such.


  • This whole scenario makes total sense to me. Try to put yourself in the role of the woman:

    Man vs bear, random encounter alone in the woods. Both can easily overpower and harm you.

    With the bear, you know it’s one or the other, it either is going to be scared off by you yelling at it, or it’s not and it will very quickly kill you.

    The man, if he intends no harm, cool. But if he does intend harm, it can be impossible to tell. He can lie to you, appear friendly and helpful, all the while plotting to harm you horrifically. The bear can have no such malice.

    The bear will not target you because of your race, sex, political views, gender identity, sexuality, or nationality.

    The bear won’t pretend to be your friend to lure you into a sense of false security. The bear won’t become enraged at something you say and all of a sudden turn on you.

    The bear has no fragile sense of ego that it will attempt to assert if it feels you “wounded” it in some trivial way.

    A bear cannot be brainwashed by toxic propaganda or cultural norms about gender roles. A bear will never have any sense of sexual entitlement.

    A bear won’t drug you and assault you, a bear won’t call its friends to join in when you are vulnerable. A bear won’t hold blackmail against you after getting you drunk and manipulating you.

    If all women had to do 99.99% of the time to scare away dangerous men was stand up tall, puff our their chests, and yell loudly, I doubt we would be having this conversation.