This might be a dumb question… but uh… what are the alternatives in the modern US?
How do people meet nowadays? Like there are no 3rd places left, I dont want to pay to be in some overmonitized club or some shit. I am long out of school. Meeting people seems next to impossible nowadays.
This is where I’m at. Everyone has told me dating at work is a really bad idea. I don’t drink so I have no interest in trying to pick up a girl at a bar. And in general I’ve seen so many girls say they don’t like guys approaching them in public.
Like it feels like all that is left is these apps, but girls don’t seem to want to meet on there either. It feels like I’m missing something critical here on how to meet a girl at my age and it’s frustrating me to no end.
Basically join hobby groups. Not sure if meetup.com is much of a thing any more but they had tons of different types of meet ups.
Dance classes usually have lots of single women if your hobby is more male oriented. You do not have to be a good dancer for the beginner classes.
I get that it can be frustrating to be constantly told that women do not want to be approached in public. I actually just looked up where to meet women after reading your comment and one article stood out because it was a woman who was trying to get hit on at the gym. She admitted that she is only up for being approached when she is getting water or leaving. Her showering that she was open to flirt with a specific person was by giving a smile which is something women generally say is absolutely not an invitation to flirt. She also mentioned giving bedroom eyes which I imagine is difficult for a guy to interpret on a sweaty woman. This woman turns out to be a dating coach.
I was lucky that Tinder was just starting out when I got a late start in dating.
The only way I’ve ever had luck on those apps is just by trying to make my profile funny instead of really lame and repetitive. Like, make one that actually stands out, even if it’s just a big picture of you in a fish costume holding yourself, or something. It can certainly help if you get a sense for what other dude’s profiles look like and intentionally do what will stand out from them, or what will point out the absurdity of them. Then, just wait. That’s it, don’t surf the app really, that’s a pretty guaranteed way to lose hope on everything. If you do scroll, do it sparingly, and sparingly give out swipes, don’t swipe on someone cause they’re hot, swipe on someone because they either seem like someone you wanna go out with or because they’re sending you some other form of signal that actually matters. After you get a match or two, you’re gonna wanna swipe through the pile until you can distinguish the person who swiped on you from the blurry preview they give you, and then you can go from there based on whether or not they seem like a good fit or not, generally I opt towards yes even if they haven’t put much effort in.
I dunno about tinder, but sometimes you can even delete your bumble profile and the app keeps puppeting around your account, and then you can return later on, and swipe through the pile, until you can distinguish them based on their preview. I’ve met like 7-8 girls this way and my profile barely even shows my face and it’s all stupid jokey bullshit. I think my ELO’s probably tanked but I don’t really care that much atp. If you’re really desperate there are ways to flub the sign-up process and make a totally new account, so you can reset your ELO if you’ve tanked it by swiping right a million times and getting nothing back.
No point in feeling frustrated. Many women aren’t ready to date or have interest in men strongly. Keep going and someone may or may not show up just keep living.
How old are you? It’s been years since I dated, but I had a decent amount of success on dating apps. It can take time to curate a good profile. Also, my understanding is that free options are nonexistent or flooded with fake OF profiles, so that might make it more difficult
I’m 27. I’ve been on and off on dating apps for a few years now. Very rarely get matches. Tried all the profile advice. Nothing works. Doesn’t help you also have to filter through a sea of girls trying to pump their Instagram followers or OF subs and don’t actually care about dating. It just feels like these apps have been nothing but a drain on my mental health with basically nothing to show for it.
Yeah, the Instagram and OF stuff wasn’t around when I was using dating apps. That sounds pretty difficult to get through. Seems like Match Group bought all the competition and ruined it from what I’ve heard.
FWIW, there are atheist groups that serve similar functions. A friend of mine grew up going to the local “Secular Circle” every Sunday, because her parents wanted her to have the social benefits of church without any of the religious stuff, and she talks about how she intends to bring her kids there.
Hobbies. If you like hiking find a hiking group. If you like board games find a board game group. If you like painting get in a class… you get the idea.
I’m late 20s/early 30s. Since ~2011 the only social media I used was Reddit. No Facebook, Twitter, etc, etc.
What you’re saying is exactly how I met my now wife. I looked after myself, did shit I enjoyed, found community events, hobbies groups, lived life, met lots of people, made new friends. Eventually I asked one of the friends on a date and now my best friend is my wife and I can’t be happier.
I will say, not having Facebook was a problem in some areas though. I missed out on group activities, group hobby chats, that sort of thing but I didn’t care. Friends would invite me to some of them anyway. Also, It might have changed these days but a handfull of people refused to trade numbers, they wanted me to add them on Facebook which was impossible. I didn’t let that get in the way either but it was kind of ‘hard’ to miss out on a potential friendship. It all worked out in the end for me.
Find local groups. Two notable ones for me are that I found a discord for my city for people looking for friends (which means stuff like regular board game events and the likes) and the kink community (ie, fetlife) regularly does similar (you don’t treat that one as a dating site, but rather a way to find real life events where you meet people).
There’s probably various other ways to find real life meetups that aren’t for the explicit purpose of meeting people to date, but will find em anyway. Casual sports leagues, hobby oriented groups, co-workers, etc.
This might be a dumb question… but uh… what are the alternatives in the modern US?
How do people meet nowadays? Like there are no 3rd places left, I dont want to pay to be in some overmonitized club or some shit. I am long out of school. Meeting people seems next to impossible nowadays.
This is where I’m at. Everyone has told me dating at work is a really bad idea. I don’t drink so I have no interest in trying to pick up a girl at a bar. And in general I’ve seen so many girls say they don’t like guys approaching them in public.
Like it feels like all that is left is these apps, but girls don’t seem to want to meet on there either. It feels like I’m missing something critical here on how to meet a girl at my age and it’s frustrating me to no end.
Basically join hobby groups. Not sure if meetup.com is much of a thing any more but they had tons of different types of meet ups.
Dance classes usually have lots of single women if your hobby is more male oriented. You do not have to be a good dancer for the beginner classes.
I get that it can be frustrating to be constantly told that women do not want to be approached in public. I actually just looked up where to meet women after reading your comment and one article stood out because it was a woman who was trying to get hit on at the gym. She admitted that she is only up for being approached when she is getting water or leaving. Her showering that she was open to flirt with a specific person was by giving a smile which is something women generally say is absolutely not an invitation to flirt. She also mentioned giving bedroom eyes which I imagine is difficult for a guy to interpret on a sweaty woman. This woman turns out to be a dating coach.
I was lucky that Tinder was just starting out when I got a late start in dating.
The only way I’ve ever had luck on those apps is just by trying to make my profile funny instead of really lame and repetitive. Like, make one that actually stands out, even if it’s just a big picture of you in a fish costume holding yourself, or something. It can certainly help if you get a sense for what other dude’s profiles look like and intentionally do what will stand out from them, or what will point out the absurdity of them. Then, just wait. That’s it, don’t surf the app really, that’s a pretty guaranteed way to lose hope on everything. If you do scroll, do it sparingly, and sparingly give out swipes, don’t swipe on someone cause they’re hot, swipe on someone because they either seem like someone you wanna go out with or because they’re sending you some other form of signal that actually matters. After you get a match or two, you’re gonna wanna swipe through the pile until you can distinguish the person who swiped on you from the blurry preview they give you, and then you can go from there based on whether or not they seem like a good fit or not, generally I opt towards yes even if they haven’t put much effort in.
I dunno about tinder, but sometimes you can even delete your bumble profile and the app keeps puppeting around your account, and then you can return later on, and swipe through the pile, until you can distinguish them based on their preview. I’ve met like 7-8 girls this way and my profile barely even shows my face and it’s all stupid jokey bullshit. I think my ELO’s probably tanked but I don’t really care that much atp. If you’re really desperate there are ways to flub the sign-up process and make a totally new account, so you can reset your ELO if you’ve tanked it by swiping right a million times and getting nothing back.
Man, lame and repetitive sounded like such a good strategy though!
No point in feeling frustrated. Many women aren’t ready to date or have interest in men strongly. Keep going and someone may or may not show up just keep living.
How old are you? It’s been years since I dated, but I had a decent amount of success on dating apps. It can take time to curate a good profile. Also, my understanding is that free options are nonexistent or flooded with fake OF profiles, so that might make it more difficult
I’m 27. I’ve been on and off on dating apps for a few years now. Very rarely get matches. Tried all the profile advice. Nothing works. Doesn’t help you also have to filter through a sea of girls trying to pump their Instagram followers or OF subs and don’t actually care about dating. It just feels like these apps have been nothing but a drain on my mental health with basically nothing to show for it.
Yeah, the Instagram and OF stuff wasn’t around when I was using dating apps. That sounds pretty difficult to get through. Seems like Match Group bought all the competition and ruined it from what I’ve heard.
Yeah dating a coworker is gross.
I grew up learning you meet people at church. Too bad I’m an atheist.
It’s basically being patient until you happen to bump into a good match.
FWIW, there are atheist groups that serve similar functions. A friend of mine grew up going to the local “Secular Circle” every Sunday, because her parents wanted her to have the social benefits of church without any of the religious stuff, and she talks about how she intends to bring her kids there.
(Cough)
Are you inviting me to church?
Oh, (insert local deity name here) no. Just checking in. Don’t care either way.
Hobbies. If you like hiking find a hiking group. If you like board games find a board game group. If you like painting get in a class… you get the idea.
I’m late 20s/early 30s. Since ~2011 the only social media I used was Reddit. No Facebook, Twitter, etc, etc.
What you’re saying is exactly how I met my now wife. I looked after myself, did shit I enjoyed, found community events, hobbies groups, lived life, met lots of people, made new friends. Eventually I asked one of the friends on a date and now my best friend is my wife and I can’t be happier.
I will say, not having Facebook was a problem in some areas though. I missed out on group activities, group hobby chats, that sort of thing but I didn’t care. Friends would invite me to some of them anyway. Also, It might have changed these days but a handfull of people refused to trade numbers, they wanted me to add them on Facebook which was impossible. I didn’t let that get in the way either but it was kind of ‘hard’ to miss out on a potential friendship. It all worked out in the end for me.
Majority of relationships past college start with coworkers
Most likely a plurality, and given who you spend the most time with that makes a lot of sense tbh.
Find local groups. Two notable ones for me are that I found a discord for my city for people looking for friends (which means stuff like regular board game events and the likes) and the kink community (ie, fetlife) regularly does similar (you don’t treat that one as a dating site, but rather a way to find real life events where you meet people).
There’s probably various other ways to find real life meetups that aren’t for the explicit purpose of meeting people to date, but will find em anyway. Casual sports leagues, hobby oriented groups, co-workers, etc.
Most people meet partners through mutual friends and at work.
Unless you already have shit loads of friends this is not viable. And dating at work has almost gotten impossible with the risk of harassment.
Young people are fucked.
I met my wife at a dungeon, but that’s not for everyone. Bars also work