Sometimes I feel like I need to scream into the void. I dont feel kike I have anyone to scream to even the people that I should. I kinda want to scream about them and why I choose them. I know we dont work well on many levels on my side but I do love him. Screaming that I dont love how I feel with him. He doesnt like people or interacting and his views on women are a problem to me but he doesnt see it and althought I know where it comes from I know this isnt healthy for me because he wont see it as a problem and I cant fix him. I dont like anything about this. I never will. I know he doesnt have a support network, but he wont make one, saying Im enough. But on my end it has always been exhausting. This is probably incomprehensible but it has made my depression so much worse because im not just responsible for myself but hin too because he wont.
Not incomprehensible at all, I feel your pain. I know it sounds scary, but the only way to grow is for a peice of both of you to die. It shouldn’t be scary though, pieces of us die all they time and only then can another better piece be reborn. You two are close, so if you allow your current self to die, his will too and that’s what you are most worried about. But if it happens you will both be reborn. It will hurt, but your tears of pain will become tears of joy once you let your old ego go. You are not your ego, you are you. I’m sorry I can’t give you specific advice on exactly what to do, but you know in your heart what is best for you right now and that is all you should worry about. It will be you alone that makes the journey, and you will leave him in a way no matter how close you stay to him in the physical world. But in that time, you will be able to objectively decide if the new you wants to be with the new him. And then your relationship will be stronger than ever.