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The original was posted on /r/AmItheAsshole by /u/Linds-ane on 2023-09-05 13:58:51.
My husband (M/39) has been an officer in the Air Force for 18 years. I (F/36) enlisted in the Marine Corps for 8 years before we began to have our children. Early on, we were both in great shape, and would often help push each other in our fitness goals. (We both even had 6-pack abs for a few years)
However, since having kids, Michael has not kept up with his exercising, or nutrition. His PT scores have been slowly getting worse, until this year it appears that he’s going to have some real problems with a few of the requirements. Even in our age bracket.
Meanwhile, after I had our youngest, I fell back in love with the gym and even managed to beat several of my strength and endurance PRs from when I was still in. These days, I try to workout 4-6 days a week in some form.
A few weeks ago I tried to softly mention the PT test, and ask if there was anything I could do to help him. He pushed it off and changed topics. Finally, over the weekend he decided to start his annual “training”, and I wanted to tag along for support; and also get my workout in for the day. Without going into all the details, let’s just say that my hubby had a very humbling afternoon. I maintained my positive attitude and kept cheering for him the whole time. -I even tried to give him some “bedroom bribes” if he hit certain numbers lol.
But he was just getting angry. And that night he was acting super childish about it. It turned into one of our bigger arguments we’ve had in years. Eventually it got to the point of him explaining how he could still kick 99% of all women’s asses if he wanted… This naturally escalated, and next thing I knew we were full on wrestling each other (which we hadn’t done since our 20s). Only now, I was eventually able to gain the upper hand and pin him down. He was panting/grunting hard while I was still pretty calm and able to keep him pinned. He refused to “tapout” and eventually I just let him up.
But then he like lost it, the argument got even worse, and he ended up leaving to stay with his friend for the night/weekend. We have barely talked since except for him saying that I “didn’t have to rub it in”, and that I was “just showing off to embarrass him”. He’s super pissed at me, but I don’t feel like I’ve done much, if anything wrong. AITA?
NTA - his ego wrote a check his body couldn’t cash. It’s why the military are supposed to exercise every day, even if it’s light (I served 5 years; wife served 22).
I’ve been in your husband’s shoes; not taking it seriously enough and getting burned when it counted. I regretted it later, and in some respects I still regret it now. Hopefully he’ll use this as self-motivation. If he does, cheer him on. If he doesn’t, let him know that you enjoyed wrestling him last time and smile!