I am my gfs first partner, she is my second. The girl I dated prior (for 6 months) was a vlogger and for like 3 months made a lotta relationship and prank videos wth me which I was fine with at the time. Now my current gf is my first ever real crush and Ive been into her for a decade.

So my gf stalked my ex somehow, idk how consodering Im not on social media myself (this account is the literal exception). She then asked a LOT of questions about my ex, I dodged just about every question. After that she just pulled away and was distant and would barely talk to me or meet up. She finally told me she found my ex’s yt channel and watched every single thing on there.

Now I think Ive been VERY understanding and comforting to her, reassuring her literally every day since, being very loving and romantic to the point of cringing myself out. But she never really got over what she saw, idk if she rewatched that stuff or not but it was def smth thats always been in the back of her mind. She also knows that I broke up with my ex since I was moving countries and not bc the relationship was bad.

Now for the terrible part, smth i truly did not remember was that me and my ex had made a more personal video which was still saved somewhere on my laptop. I absolutely did not know of this and if I did I woulda gotten rid of it. Now my gf has access to my laptop (with my approval ofc) and she somehow stumbled upon it, I caught her curled up in my bed absolutely bawling her eyes out with the video playing on my desk. I have never felt this disgusting.

This is the first time my gf has denied my hug for comfort or just been so repulsed by me, she wont touch me while i explained everything, I deleted said video infront of her and begged her for a week. First she told me she needed to think things over but knowing her she wanted me chasing and I did just that, second week Ive given her space and theres been no change. We have had 2 dry 5 min convos in the last week.

How do I fix this or make it upto her???

Tl;dr: Gf found an old personal video involving an ex and wont talk to me anymore.

  • 520@kbin.social
    11·
    10 months ago

    Here’s the thing, you were caught dodging questions about your ex (don’t think for a second she didn’t notice) and now she finds an intimate video on your laptop.

    You have to realise how that can paint a very damning picture for her. The worst part wasn’t the video, but the fact that you were dodging questions. If it wasn’t for this, you could have explained it, but given how you were dodging questions about your ex, now she’s going to doubt any answer you gave her.

    There is a fundamental issue of if she can trust you. And you’ve painted a pretty damning picture.

    If you want to address anything, address this part. Invite her to ask her anything and everything, even the parts you don’t want to bring up.

    • SnokenKeekaGuard@lemmy.dbzer0.comOPEnglish
      5·
      10 months ago

      My post wasnt very clear, I’m sorry. I did dodge questions initially, after she saw everything on youtube I told her most things she wanted to know. Also I broke up with my ex bc i was moving back to the country I’m in now and my gf knows this so she cant expect anything sus happening. I could try giving her all the information she wants, but I don’t think she’d like that.

      • 520@kbin.social
        3·
        10 months ago

        She absolutely can suspect something going on, and perhaps it might not be unreasonable to. Just because you’re in different countries does not mean that feelings aren’t there.

        So you’ve got:

        1. being initially unwilling to come forward with these details.

        2. she knows you broke up for reasons that don’t involve feelings going away

        3. she found intimate videos of you two on your laptop.

        I’m pretty sure her mind right now is filling in the blanks in the worst possible way right now, as people tend to do, and she may not know if she can trust your first answer. This is why dodging the questions initially was about the worst thing you could have done except for actually having something going on.

        It sounds like she’s convinced that things between you and this vlogger aren’t over at all.

        • SnokenKeekaGuard@lemmy.dbzer0.comOPEnglish
          4·
          10 months ago

          This is the conclusion Im afraid she’ll come to. Even though I love this girl with all my heart and she’s literally my first crush from way back in highschool, it still feels like a dream that we got together.

          • 520@kbin.social
            3·
            10 months ago

            I think the best thing you can do here is offer her a heart-to-heart and wait for her to take you up on it. You may have to sit patiently for a bit.