First off, this is not me downplaying that cis dudes also get sexually harrassed or saying that they have an easy time being believed, this is me being mad at the downplaying of sexual harrassment of women.
Do people think women can just point at someone and say “They sexually harrassed me!” No, hell no. Women have been working hard to get people to take them seriously about sexual harrassment forever. Look at how people reacted to Monica Lewinsky. She came forward and pretty much became a laughing stock and a meme. even today, look what happened with Biden and Tara Reade. People roll their eyes at #Metoo and use it as a punchline. “He got #MeToo’d” is a saying people use to insinute women using false sexual harrassment allegations to get men fired. Women who come forward about being harrassed or assaulted routinely get death threats. Victims so often aren’t believed or are harrassed more upon coming forward that often they just don’t bother. It’s been a huge struggle to even get to the point where #metoo could actually get some predators convicted.
I understand and hate that men have a hard time being believed too, but the idea that women somehow don’t also have this problem, or somehow have it easier, sickens me.
Cishet dude here.
When I was sexually assaulted about 20 years ago by my ex I never even told anyone because what was even the point. “Oh, the girl who is out of your league forced herself on you? Yeah right.” That’s basically how I imagined it going down. I can’t tell you if men are believed more or less than women. I just know in my personal experience it felt so pointless to even tell a friend that I didn’t bother.
Oh, and here’s a kicker on that. I told exactly two women about my assault a few years ago. So imagine my surprise when they were talking about that “man vs bear” choice that was popular on social media when they told me and agreed with each other, “you don’t know what it’s like. You’ve never been assaulted or harassed.” The only two women I ever told. Didn’t even remember me telling them about one of the worst things a women ever did to me. That’s how unimportant it is to people. And I don’t even know what was worse about that. The fact that they forgot my assault or the fact that they know I’m such a plain looking dude that I haven’t ever had a woman harass me because I’ve never had a woman who wasn’t my partner ever even compliment me sexually or romantically, much less sexually harass me.
It all hurts and is frustrating. That’s my experience.
Jesus, that’s horrible. I’m sorry.
It’s like people just shut down and don’t want to know. But to memory hole it and then be like “Pfft you wouldn’t know.” That’s infuriating. Like, that’s straight up gaslighting.
I really hope my post doesn’t contribute to that bullshit. It’s not meant to minimise what men go through at all. I believe you, and it’s disgusting that you haven’t been believed.
No, not at all. I appreciate the understanding. I’m also not commenting at all on whether or not “men have it worse” or whatever other nonsense the person said to you. I have no idea what the actual rates are of sexual harassment is for men or if they are ignored more or less than women on a systemic level. I have absolutely no data on that. I just know what it was like for me and the very few times I’ve heard stories from other men in this regard of assault and harassment the stories are similar.
I do think there is another issue with men is that some of us are socialized to not even recognize harassment and/or assault when it happens to us. I’ve seen men talk about these kinds of experiences online and other men express how that wasn’t assault because “that happened to me.” Like, my brother, you are in denial!