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The original was posted on /r/bestofredditorupdates by /u/Direct-Caterpillar77 on 2024-05-31 04:02:02+00:00.
I am not The OOP, OOP is u/Living_Temporary5351
I (26f) just found out I’m pregnant after having revenge sex with the fiancé (35m) of the girl (30f) who my ex boyfriend(32m) cheated on me with for 2 years.
Originally posted to r/offmychest
Thanks to u/soayherder for suggesting this BoRU
Editor’s Note: changed initial “D” to Dave for easier reading
TRIGGER WARNING: infidelity, emotional abuse and manipulation, harassment
Original Post Feb 19, 2023
I (26f) just found out I’m pregnant after having revenge sex with the fiancé (35m) of the girl (30f) who my ex boyfriend(32m) cheated on me with for 2 years.
My ex and I met when I was 20 but were only friends until we started dating 2 1/2 years ago. I found out last year that my ex had been cheating on me for basically our whole relationship with a girl he met through a mutual friend. I broke things off after I found out and told the girl’s fiancé about their affair, he ended up breaking off their engagement after he found out and she seemed nonchalant about it until she realized that my ex’s money wasn’t actually his (my grandma left me a lot after she passed back in 2019 and my ex had been flaunting around the things I’d gifted him throughout our relationship to her, even going as far as to claim that the house and antique car my grandpa left for me in his will were my ex’s).
It’s not something I’m proud of now that I think back to it, but I did allow my ex to walk all over me for the first month or two after I broke things off because I missed him so much, I gave him money and tried to make things work but would always get reprimanded by my parents and friends when I’d run to them crying after he ghosted me for her, I didn’t officially give him up until the girl’s ex fiancé messaged me and told me that she was rubbing it in some of their old friends’ faces about how pathetic I was and how desperate I was for my ex who didn’t even give an f about me. I was really upset and asked him if he’d be willing to meet up with me because I knew that if I talked to my parents or friends about this, then they’d just lecture me even more. He agreed and the two of us met up at a random food cart place, we ended up spending most of the day just exploring and talking about how we were doing.
He’d also confided in me about his relationship with his ex, they’d known each other for 10 years and they’d liked each other for most of the time they were friends but he wasn’t looking for a relationship because he was focusing on school. He had decided to give them a chance after she’d driven 12+hrs overnight to him because they’d talked on the phone and he said he was feeling under the weather and was stressed from how vigorous his residency schedule was. She’d dropped everything to take care of him, help clean his place, and made him some home cooked meals after finding out that he was surviving off of vending machine snacks and instant coffee. He told me in detail about how he’d never felt so loved and cared for, how after she’d done that for him, he’d decided that she was the one; that if this wasn’t love, then love wasn’t real. Finding out that she was cheating for the last two years made everything click into place, she’d been pushing off getting married, telling all her friends that she was having doubts about him. He’d been trying to convince her into going to couple’s counseling when I broke the news to him that she was sleeping with my ex.
I felt like a monster, hearing their love story and then realizing that they didn’t get their happy ending because of my ex and I messed with my head. We continued to talk from time to time, checking in on each other and meeting up for quick bite every now and then, we lost contact after the girl my ex cheated on me with somehow convinced him to take her back. I became slightly depressed after he cut me off, explaining to me that he was still in love with her and wanted to work things out, which meant a clean slate.
I found out through some internet snooping that my ex cheated on her too, which was why she went back to her ex fiancé. A few months passed and things went back to semi-normal, I started getting therapy and was about ready to put myself back out there to try out the dating pool again when around new years I got a call from the guy, he was crying and asking if I was available to talk, I of course said yes and out of concern met up with him at his place. He broke down to me and told me about how he’d found her and my ex in his mom’s guest bedroom during Christmas when she’d snuck him in for a quickie during his family’s busy holiday party, all hell broke loose when he’d found them in the guest bedroom after spending 20mins looking for her everywhere. We drank a bit and ended up having sex, he apologized and told me that it was a mistake and he wasn’t in his right mind, that he just wanted revenge sex but it didn’t make him feel any better after. I tried to message him platonically a few times after to see if he was alright but he blocked me, so I dropped it and went on with my therapy and life. I went in last week to check with my doctor since I’d been getting bad cramps and to get a new prescription refill for my birth control that I use to help with my PCOS, I had to do a usual test to double check for the possibility if I was pregnant and was very surprised when it came back positive.
I have been sitting on this new knowledge and have been contemplating on if I should tell him, not tell him, or if I should even keep the pregnancy. My doctor did inform that since I am still in the earlier stages I am still at a big risk of having a miscarriage, so I don’t know if I should even be worrying at all about all of this since there is a chance that I could lose it, and then it’d just seem like I was trying to grab at his attention or something, especially after he’d made it clear to me that he wasn’t comfortable talking to me anymore after we slept together. I haven’t told anyone and have been going crazy because I don’t know what to do.
Update May 20, 2024
Update I’m not sure how Reddit works, but I will simply make a new post.
A lot has happened since my original post.
I know a lot of people were against this, but I went through with the pregnancy and I am forever thankful for my beautiful baby. I had originally planned to get an abortion, but I found myself unable to go through with the appointment. (I am pro-choice and always will be. Just because I chose to keep my baby doesn’t mean another woman/girl should be forced to keep a pregnancy they do not wish to continue. Everyone has a right to their own bodies.) My parents were very upset with me and my whole family disowned me. I listened to what some of you said about letting the father know (will be referring to him as ‘Dave’), after many failed attempts to reach out to him I decided to go in person. Dave was not happy when I showed up at his place but when I told him why, he agreed to talk with me. Dave let me know that he’d officially ended things with his ex and wanted to go no contact with me because I was another tie to his past with her, but he was willing to try and figure out a co-parenting plan with me if I agreed to a paternity test first. I of course felt a bit bad about the paternity test part but agreed to it since we both had only been acquaintances that bonded over our trauma. Everything was honestly easy cruising until I started to spot around the 26 week mark, my OBGYN explained that while spotting is normal while pregnant, mine was heavier and my blood sugar/blood pressure also both worried them because of gestational diabetes and preeclampsia risk.
After a few nights of Dave insisting on sleeping on my couch, I had him help me move some of my things to his place since he lived closer to the hospital. I am very thankful I decided to semi-move in with him when I did bc I went into premature labor at 32 weeks. I am very thankful to have had Dave and his family as my support system; his mom would come and switch out with him at the hospital and advocated for me whenever I felt washed out or unheard, she helped me both emotionally and physically and stood by me. Dave’s mom also helped me work through my emotions when all I wanted was my mom (she and my dad had gone no contact with me after I decided to keep and have my baby). Dave’s mom was an absolute godsend also because she’s a retired nurse (she started in OB, went to NICU and eventually later settled into lactation before retiring) and explained things to me when we found out that my baby had respiratory problems and had SUA (single umbilical artery) and that it could’ve been a factor into why I went into premature labor. She stayed with Dave and I so she could help me with pumping since I wasn’t able to produce milk and encouraged me when I felt like such a failure for not being able to take care of my son when he needed me most, she drove me to and from the hospital while my son was in the NICU because I was healing and so mentally/physically exhausted. I really and truly believe that I didn’t fall into deep postpartum depression because she held me and helpe…
Content cut off. Read original on https://old.reddit.com/r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/1d4mqqg/i_26f_just_found_out_im_pregnant_after_having/
After a few nights of Dave insisting on sleeping on my couch, I had him help me move some of my things to his place since he lived closer to the hospital. I am very thankful I decided to semi-move in with him when I did bc I went into premature labor at 32 weeks. I am very thankful to have had Dave and his family as my support system; his mom would come and switch out with him at the hospital and advocated for me whenever I felt washed out or unheard, she helped me both emotionally and physically and stood by me. Dave’s mom also helped me work through my emotions when all I wanted was my mom (she and my dad had gone no contact with me after I decided to keep and have my baby). Dave’s mom was an absolute godsend also because she’s a retired nurse (she started in OB, went to NICU and eventually later settled into lactation before retiring) and explained things to me when we found out that my baby had respiratory problems and had SUA (single umbilical artery) and that it could’ve been a factor into why I went into premature labor. She stayed with Dave and I so she could help me with pumping since I wasn’t able to produce milk and encouraged me when I felt like such a failure for not being able to take care of my son when he needed me most, she drove me to and from the hospital while my son was in the NICU because I was healing and so mentally/physically exhausted. I really and truly believe that I didn’t fall into deep postpartum depression because she held me and helped me with each step and was always so patient with me, even when I wasn’t with myself. Dave’s mom would constantly remind me that nothing was our fault and no one did anything wrong, it just that everyone is faced with hardships in life and this was one we’d work together to get through.
My son graduated from the NICU and came home a month after I did, Dave’s mom visited us often and helped with him since Dave and I are first time parents. Dave’s dad joked that he felt like she and I had the baby together and he and Dave were both just background characters that make guest star appearances every now and then since Dave was working so much in order to build more PTO and his mom wouldn’t bring his dad along when she’d come visit since she didn’t want him to disturb me and the baby with his loudness (Dave’s dad is hard of hearing and can sometimes be unaware of his volume so he took no offense to it).
Dave’s siblings and family members posted a lot about our son because he was the first grandchild and first baby in a long time, Dave’s youngest cousin is 17 (turning 18 this year). Somehow someone must’ve shared a photo or something, but pictures of us reached my family and my parents demanded I let them meet my son. Dave was supportive of whatever I chose to do and said he’d agree to them meeting him if that’s what I wanted. After thinking about it for a few days I decided that I wanted to talk to my parents before I let them meet my son; when we met up to talk, my parents were offended that I didn’t bring my son with us and left him with Dave’s parents, they said some really hurtful things and then my dad started to question on when Dave was going to ask him for permission for us to get married since we didn’t already have a shotgun wedding while I was pregnant. I was okay with them insulting me since I’d grown up with it and was used to it, but once my parents put their target on Dave and his family I became upset and decided it was time for us to leave.
My parents did try to petition for legal visitation rights (honestly, before this whole ordeal, I did not even know that grandparents rights existed), but were denied because my son is still very young and because both Dave and I are very much on good terms, are living in the same household, and they couldn’t find or prove that there was any danger to our son’s wellbeing. My family did try to reach out to us and claim that we were horrible people for denying my parents their grandchild, but no one ever seemed to be able to make a peep when Dave’s family would defend us and point out that my family had been the one to disown me and that no one cared to see if I was okay until after I had the baby and everything was handled. Dave’s mom and my mom got in a verbal (almost physical) altercation after my mom had made false reports to cps and called the police to do multiple welfare checks on us, my mom was given a warning by the police for harassing us after one specific incident where she threw a tantrum and caused a scene when the police found nothing wrong in the welfare check and refused to listen to her demands to have my son temporarily taken away from us and put in her custody ‘for his safety’. Dave and I currently have restraining orders pending against my parents and certain family members.
One of the reasons I decided to update is because about two months ago a friend of Dave’s asked him out to have some drinks and they ran into his ex-fiance who later messaged him to tell him that she regretted the way they ended and how she was very hurt when she heard that we had a baby together, especially with it being so soon after their relationship. Dave wouldn’t talk to me about how he felt, and when I asked him he just brushed me off or switched the conversation onto a topic about our son that he knew would distract me. I noticed Dave pulling away from me and how our relationship became a bit awkward and strained after their run in and her message because I know he still has feelings for her and I am afraid that he might feel trapped with me and our son. I also noticed that the drama with my family has made Dave and his family less patient with me and my son, during Mother’s Day I overheard a few of his family members make comments to Dave about me being at their family barbecue since ‘I was just my son’s mom’ and ‘not really’ part of the family, Dave just shrugged and said I didn’t have anyone else to spend the day with.
With how tense things have been, I have been thinking about moving out and back into my place. I stayed with Dave at his place after I gave birth, but now that our son is slightly older and I am healed, I want to give Dave back some space so that he can start dating again if he wants to and to give him back some more ‘bachelor’ time when I have our son. I want to find a way to approach me moving out and us making a coparenting plan without making making things more awkward or possibly ruining the relationship I have with Dave and his parents, I don’t want them to feel like I’m not grateful or anything, but I do want to go back to work and get my life back on track so that I can provide my portion of needs for my son and not want to depend on his family for more than appropriate.
Maybe I’m overthinking things May 24, 2024
I’ve been trying my best to not check my phone or Reddit since I’m honestly a little overwhelmed right now. I will let you all know that I did talk to Dave and he was against me moving out, he also wasn’t willing to talk about the situation what how he’s been acting after running into his ex and said I was bringing up something that didn’t matter since we were talking about me wanting to move out. I haven’t said anything about what I heard during Mother’s Day and I don’t think I’m going to mention it since I feel really bad that it was meant to be a private conversation so I don’t think anyone meant anything bad. During our conversation Dave let me know that maybe I’m just overthinking or overreacting and that I shouldn’t make big decisions like moving out, he also talked about how because our son is a preemie he’d prefer if one of us was a stay at home parent until he turned 2-3yrs old so he could catch up with his peers and then once he started pre-k then we could go back to work again. But I feel like he’s been trying to avoid me since the conversation but I could also me overthinking like he said…but after reading someone comments I do feel like I’m valid in the way I feel but I am also not sure anymore, I want to do what’s best for my son. I know people already think I’m so dumb and that I shouldn’t have had him, but I am trying to be better for my son, I feel like he’s my only family left and I really want to try to do what’s best for him.
THIS IS A REPOST SUB - I AM NOT THE OOP
DO NOT CONTACT THE OOP’s OR COMMENT ON LINKED POSTS, REMEMBER - RULE 7
Let’s be real this is better than his ex baby trapping him. Still sucks but he has a kid with this woman. If his family wants any relationship with this child they need to be more careful with thier words. And her family talk about f them. Now you care??? Where was that “support” earlier. Jerks.
I had originally planned to get an abortion, but I found myself unable to go through with the appointment. My parents were very upset with me and my whole family disowned me.
And now her family face the consequences of throwing away OOP. She and her son are a package deal
