Where I live now, things are okay. I have friends I see regularly, a stable job, and the prospect of owning a home in the next few years. At the same time, it is absolutely sprawling and street life is absolutely non-existent. Cultural life is oriented around bars and events and it is hard for things to happen spontaneously.
Meanwhile, I grew up in a different city which had a much more vibrant street life, and it was borderline possible to live without a car. I am at a real crossroads here now deciding if I should cut it and move home, or keep going with the life I am building here.
In general I struggle with depression, and I am worried I am fixating on changes in my extrinsic conditions as a deflection from my inner work/inner struggles.
Would like to here other’s perspectives, and particularly the experience of people who have made a big move recently.
Staying Pros
- No major life disruption
- Continue with stable job
- Cost of Living lower
- Most friends live here
Staying Cons
- No street life
- Must drive to do anything—feel shut-in
Leaving Pros
- No car!
- Closer to family
- Street Life
- Bigger Gay scene
- Start Over lite
Leaving Cons
- Job hunt
- Major life disruption
- Might just be ‘grass is greener’
- Leave friends
- Higher Cost of Living
- Continue my very patchy work history
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i wouldn’t recommend leaving your stable job atm because the job market is sorta kinda fucked right now
but in general i like living in the city a lot more than the suburbs if you can afford it. feels a lot less alienating to me. i miss living in the city
I live in a city still just one that was hit harder by the introduction of the automobile.
i moved while depressed and it made me more depressed since then i didn’t have any friends
You are going to feel a million times more shut-in if you’re in the city with few/no friends than where you are now.
I will preface what I am about to say that depression is serious and if you aren’t yet, try taking to somebody about what your going through.
If you think you might be able to own a home where you are in the near future, you have a job with a path to promotion, and have friends that aren’t toxic. My advice with the current global economy the way it is would be to stay around where you are. However, it really depends how much of a compromise you want to make between change and stability.
Not having to rent is a big deal. With a home you could grow your own food, start a commune, open a pottery workshop that teaches people how to make dildos, like really what ever you want. Housing prices won’t be going down anytime soon. That’s always going to be your biggest expense. Much more than a car.
There are options to not have a car. Like electricifing a cheap bicycle you could even get a cargo bike. I spent about $2k on parts and equipment and now I can bike to most of the places I drive or to a bus stop as long as the weather is good at around 20 mph without breaking a sweat. Although a cheap car is good to have in an emergency without public transit or in bad weather conditions.
City life is fun, you can meet an almost endless amount different people but don’t be fooled, most cities will share the same culture of the surrounding areas with small exceptions to sub cultures.
Really it comes down to the people you know and your hobbies. It sounds like you might be bored where you are and that’s ok. Maybe you just need to find a new hobby or some new people to hang out with.
And if you really can’t decide, experiment. It’s your life. You have to define what you want it to be like. Take a week long trip to the city of your choice and give it a test run, and go house shopping in an area that you could bike around. Try it all and see what you think you would really prefer and think would be best in the future.
Street life is cool for the first five days. After that you will hate cars, smoke, sounds, cops everywhere and people yelling and arguing over nothing. I have depression and every time I go out (I live in a city, major one) I want to disappear from earth.
Maybe I’m being over the top, but city life has a lot of downsides that I would gladly trade for some peace and quiet. Also being a potential homeowner means a lot, how about you achieve that first and then move? Perhaps securing a home of your own is ideal, considering how bad things are.
My gut reaction would be to line up a job that would provide a stability at least on par with the current one assuming you don’t mind it (parallel, I guess, but higher cost of living means the same compensation is going to be an effective downgrade. Do the math on what that would actually look like, figure out what places you would be able to swing with the jobs you can safely bet on getting.
You can minimize the risk a great deal by doing the research and getting everything in a row before committing either way. The research and planning is the discernment process within the advice. Don’t avoid possible future opportunities that could arise as a result of the changes within this, but don’t treat them as concrete either.
